Judge — October 15, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A RAPTUROUS OUTBURST. J ALONG mmy smooth counter I daintly spin 7 The big pumpkin pie with a rapturous grin, ‘And with the tea-biscuit and doughnut I cloy ‘The happy day-dream of the little school-boy. I make dainty icings to mount on the cakes, And eke on the pies that my Dutch oven bakes ; And often they're worthy of M. Angelo, ‘These satyrs and dryads that make my stuff go. T long studied sculpture abroad and at home, In Hoboken, Paris, Secaucus, and Rome ; And all that I studied I studied to make Myself a designer of icings for cake. Hurrah for the boy that with doughnuts I fill! Hurrah for my bakery up on the hill! Hurrah for old me, that’s a sculptor divine, Called Dietrich von Blumenthal Schloocisenstein. A FISH MONOLOGUE. NCE upon a time there lived a large fish. He belonged to the codfish aristocracy, and was much dreaded by the small fry for miles around, More than that, he had a bullhead and was very of-fish-ious. He was also a good eel of a fighter and was prone to whale every weakfish he met. He was a shark in nature, if not in name, and was always watching out to do somebodly. One day he had a bit of a skate on and started out looking for trouble. Near the pike he met a school of finns, who were also out looking for bother. They had decided to crawfish from the monster no longer, When he sawfish coming in such a body he ART—A FIGURE STUDY. smelt a rat. . “Hello, you old hake!" barked a dogfish. “We've come out to knock you off your perch, Your dace are numbered, you old herrin’ !" It would never do for a fish of his scale to be called a sucker, or even a chub, so he felt of his mussels and began to pout. “You minnows, you sardines, you pinfish!" he cried, «I'll thrash every one of you into fish-balls! Back, back to the shad- ows! How dare you enc-roach on my territory 2" A round of bass” greeted his threats, and the many kinds of fish began to form a line of battle. “You old toadfish !" they cried. You can halibut it won't do you any good. You can't shiner round here any more.” \ By this time the noise had attracted a large number of fish, They came from every direction, all eager to see the old warrior converted into fish-hash. The following day was Friday. Then the submarine battle began, They attacked him from every point. He dove and floundered, | swished his tail, and butted in, The pickerel picked him, | the squeteague squeezed him, the swordfish ran him through, the horned pout horned him, the catfish scratched him, the sunfish dazzled him, the muskallonge lunged him, and the bonyfish got in his throat and choked him, Ina few minutes he was a very black and bluefish. In fact, we ‘ might go further and say he very closely resembled a jelly- = PLFITHAH * It fish, Then the salmon, the ro the whitefish and the HER APPREHENSION. mackerel formed a quartette and sang “ Pull for the shore” Madam, your dog just bit my boy. | wish you would lock him up and see if he at his funeral. From that time on picked-up codfish has develops hydrophobia.”” “What! do you think the little boy is ‘ mad * been very popular. tae cone, ‘THE PERILS OF OLD AGE. se YOUR grandfather is over ninety, isn’t he 2” “Yes, We're quite un- easy about the poor old chap.” “ Failing, I suppose ?” “No; chipper as a bird.” “Then what are you wor- rying about ?" “Well, in a few more years he will be eligible to nomination for the vice-presi- dency.” YOUNG FOLKS AND OLD. YOUNG folks has a mighty mi Ole folks fools, dey t’inks. Dey wants ter ‘bate down ole folks’ wine An’ l'arn ole heads new kinks. Ole folks got some ‘sperience, an’ ‘Young folks fools, dey know— Can't no mo’ I'am ‘em sense dan POSITIVE PROOF. can Teach June-time ter snow. ‘That's she, father! She's all the world to m MARTHA YOUNG. Fatner—* Um—yes. Always heard that the world was round. comicbooks.com