Judge — October 15, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

FOREIC Ar THe Panxxe Bortpivc. Fourts Avzxux axp 3 Wastexn Apvexrisinc Ornice—1313 Hartford Building, Oricage, lt. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or sznumbers= = ‘Ove copy, six months, oF 29 numbers = One copy, for thirteen weeks SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 a year. PUBLISHED WEEKLY INMTRRNTH STRKET, New YORK. TERMS TO SU RIDERS : $5.00 250 Tocluding the Cusistaas June is EvKorean satss-acants—International News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, E. Cx London : Brentano's, avenue de" Opera, Paris; Saarbach's News Exchange, Mainz, Germany. The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this cooyriySt will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inciose a stamped and self-addressed ertocione with all manuscriots, othertvise return of the Latter when found unavai cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and ail contributions sent to the Art Decartment should have the sender's full name and adiness ‘written plainly on each and every sevarale sketch. The accompanying Joke or descrivtive letterpress should in évery instance be written upon its indroideal Dicture, and NOT upon a separate siip of paver. Inclosure of stamos t0 the full amount of postage is also required, (0 insure safe and prompt return of material not acceoted. [7 MAY NOT be too late to observe that in the resignation of old Dr. Hill the Democracy has lost—if it may be called a loss—one who should go into history as the janitor of his party. LD DR. HILL and his side-partner in the art of getting there without reference to the manner or method, euphemistically known as Belmont, have so manipulated and twisted the Democratic party that it is now re- garded, by all intelligent people who are not prejudiced, as more or less of a side-show which should be sidetracked. They are now conducting the campaign in such a way as to fool and hoodwink incredulous people and thereby gather their votes. And they are conducting it in regular side- show fashion, are old Dr. Hill and his worthy satellite. There is no end of noise and excitement around the tent while Belmont roars and rants anent the wonders and freaks within. The rustics hang spellbound upon his utterances when he speaks of Underhill Parker's trust-busting strength, and of the solidity of his claim for Gorman as the logical successor, not to say reincarnation, of Barnum’s celebrated what-is-it. And while Belmont belches forth his commercial thunder regarding Grover’s rosy rotundity and his ability as a duck-shot, and of the West Virginian Alcides in his great barrel-of-money act, old Dr. Hill sits at the entrance wrapped in a mantle of silence borrowed from the Esopus farmer for the occasion. When the purchasers of tick- ets have entered the tent and poked and examined the freaks and curiosities, they begin to realize that a side- show, like a mince-pie, may be entirely different on the inside and the outside. They also realize that a side-show should be judged by its in- mates and not by the tent, upon whose rippling surface are pictures which grossly ex- aggerate them in all their freakishness. The mince-pie, especially that of the machine- made and not that of the preferred hand-made variety, when judged by its interior and exterior, not to say mural, decorations, which will nei- ther digest nor assimilate by a large, imperial jugful, is the best object we can think of to illustrate the Democratic side- show as run by old Dr. Hill, assisted by his Bryanic side- show partner. The best part of the show is the outside and not the inside side-show. For on the outside are the or- nately-painted freaks which, if they could exist in like proportions of Herculean strength, would not quite equal in point of picturesque grandeur the fog-horn, Bel- mont, tooting airy fairy nothings and old Dr. Hill calmly taking the tickets at tell me, do you still love me the door. “Mr, Newuywep-Arrisr: --IN REAL BOHEMIA. Mrs, Newtrwep-Arrist—"" Good-bye, dearest, for a little while; but before I go tter than your life?” “Certainly, dear. Don't | eat your biscuits?” plurality. THE MORE CLOSELY Uncle Sam looks upon Underhill Parker the more puzzled he becomes as regards his real significance. To Uncle ‘Sam, Underhill Parker is quite as much an enigma as he is a sphinx to the average understanding. He is a hard nut to crack, but, nevertheless, he will be cracked on election day, and something unpleasant to ears Demo- cratic will be heard when he swiftly disintegrates and scatters athwart the deepening shadows, and in so doing intensifies the gloom. At the present time the Democratic press is spending much paper and ink in a wild but apparently impotent effort to apologize for and to explain the meaning of the Esopus haymaker, and in so doing establish beyond all peradventure the fact that he has a reason for political existence. It will be remembered that old Dr. Hill’s candidate recently invited the Democratic editors to a sort of féte champétre, and it was believed he would unbosom and unsphinx himself on various important questions. It is not yet known what brand the eminent jurist tried upon the said editors, but it is evident that he cocained them mentally, for since then they have been singing and whis- tling his praises in a manner that is more hilarious than convincing. And now these industrious and abundantly cocained wielders of the pen are using the letter of acceptance of old Dr. Hill’s candidate to further apologize for and explain him. They say it is clear and strong and sound and vigorous, and that it reeks with conservative views, deliberate judgment, and horse sense, and that its author has arrived with a message which is uplifting and ennobling. Their flow- ery, wind-built arguments are quite as empty as their hopes. The Republican press does not find it necessary to resort to this or to any other such humorous process to explain or to apologize for Theodore Roosevelt, for the reason that he is open and aboveboard in all that he says and does, and is never driven to so dire an expedient as that of mentally cocaining any editor with a view to being advertised in such a way as to gather the votes of the unsuspecting. Uncle Sam has had the X-rays on old Dr. Hill’s candidate, and he is not yet convinced that he is made of the right kind of stuff. Like old Dr. Hill, he seems to be the stuff of which pipe-dreams are made. Uncle Sam, therefore, likens him unto and regards him as a clumsily plugged coin, which shows clearly the material of which thessaid plugs are composed. But Uncle Sam should not be and look so sad about it. The coin will not go, and Uncle Sam will be aware of this fact in November, when he is whirling a saraband of joy on the strength of Roosevelt’s 7 Se ee