Judge, 1904-10-15 · page 10 of 16
Judge — October 15, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief satirical pieces typical of early Judge magazine: **"His Sad Fate"** mocks overly sentimental poetry through a character lamenting he's leaving firefighting service—expressing melodramatic grief about never again burning in blazing buildings or falling from ladders. The satire targets flowery, self-pitying verse. **"An Unwritten History"** jokes about a struggling humorist who invents a "weather-prophet joke" that gets reprinted everywhere—satirizing how mediocre humor spreads through newspapers and hotels despite lacking originality. **"A Theory"** presents a brief comic dialogue mocking Christian Science's healing claims when applied to roof leaks. **"Sir Joshua Reynolds Explained"** references the famous 18th-century portrait painter, sarcastically suggesting his flattery of clients ("impossible to improve your beauty") actually drove his business success—ironic commentary on compliments and vanity. **"His Joy"** celebrates a farmer's successful harvest with crude, rustic enthusiasm. **The final anecdote** humorously describes a boy who escaped parental restraint to go swimming anyway. Throughout, the humor relies on satire of pretension, incompetence, and human folly.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
oh HIS SAD FATE. : = I™ ‘out of the service. To-morrow I go, And never the burning Roof-tree shall I know ; Nor from the old ladder T'll topple and fall Swift down through the sy ts i building s--r ot That's blazing and tall ; 5 VOR, vey GY EY SOP ge Or unto a cinder | 2 Qewen oP Be burned to a crisp— | & ew * I'm full of the sorrow | gant? I never can lisp. And in a bean-pole grove No jay on the fly Is sad as Doc. Colgrove Of Horseheads, N. Y. AN UNWRITTEN HISTORY. | HE humorist was sitting in his office, dull and discour- aged, chewing the end of his pen and spitting in the direction of the advertising-man’s cuspidor. Not a single /{ joke for to-morrow’s paper could he get. Inspiration had fled and burned the bridges behind her. But the darkest hour is just—while your chickens are being stolen. Just then a creamy, melting, chorus-girl smile diffused itself over his face. Taking his feet from the table and slapping his legs, he exclaimed, “Oh, I have it! 1 will write something and call it a weather-prophet joke.” And it was copied in all the papers, and drummers told it in all the hotel-lobbies. we A THEORY. She—“ The man came to look at the roof to-day, but he didn’t do any work—just looked at it and went away.” He—* Maybe he’s going to mend the leak by Christian-science treatment.” SHE DID. “Did she get a line on his finances yet?" “Oh, yes; she's just warping him into the family dock AFTER DINNER, WE DINE on predigested food; Then come the talking stars. We'll listen soon to pretold jokes And puff presmoked cigars. EXPLAINED. GIR JOSHUA REYNOLDS was explaining his success. “When the women say, ‘Sir Joshua, it flatters me,’ | bow and say, ‘Now, by St. George! that were impossi- ble." Yet posterity wonders how he happened to get more orders than he could fill. HIS JOY. HIS 22 fancy hops, And joyfully he grins. Successful are the crops And full are all his bins. He's lots of hams to fry And lots of hens to kill, And lots of squash for pic His inner man to fill. HE GOT THERE JUST THE SAME. And so he jumps, care free, . First sor—‘' | see Patsy hez broken all home-ties."" j Along the old road rut, Second vor—"' Wot do yer mean?” i And gurgles as in the First vor—'' His mudder tied him up ter de bed-post, so he couldn't go swimmin’, but Accompanying cut. dere he is!"*