Judge, 1904-10-08 · page 7 of 16
Judge — October 8, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects short humorous pieces typical of early 1900s satirical magazines: **"The Unstumpable Poet"** mocks poets who solve riddles with obvious answers ("in the dark") yet expect payment—satirizing both pretentious versifiers and gullible audiences. **"Source of His Wealth"** references the biblical Nebuchadnezzar, depicting him planning to sell chaff as "royal breakfast food"—a joke about fraudulent marketing and get-rich-quick schemes. **"A Stride in Advance"** satirizes escalating consumer culture: 1900's advice to "avoid the rush" becomes 1905's absurd advice to arrive even earlier, mocking how advertisements create artificial urgency. **"A Substitute"** contains a contemporary political jab: the professor asks if William Jennings Bryan (three-time presidential candidate) is in the audience, suggesting Bryan is as useless as a broken wind-machine—a dig at his failed political campaigns. Other pieces humorously depict characters exploiting landlords, smoking cheap cigars, and misinterpreting earthquakes. The cartoons are gentle social observation rather than serious political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE UNSTUMPABLE POET. O airy fancy now will come To start my little tumty-tum. So where was Moses when the light Went out? And if I guess aright, ‘The people all will loudly laugh Until they simply split in half. And quick I'll pocket, don’t you know, The gilded shekels, joy aglow, And dance more wildly bark Who read the answer—In the dark. they'll SOURCE OF HIS WEALTH. NEBUCHADONE ‘ZAR thought- fully regarded his meal of chaff, : “When I get out of this,” he remarked, “I won't do a thing but put this stuff on the market as * royal breakfast food.’ ” x himself, he continued his meal, while a gleam of specu- LEAP-YEAR. ID a maid to old Robinson Crusoe, + My darling, I truly love you so!"* But Robinson said, “You know I can't wed, “Cause, honest, I ain't got no trousseau.”” A STRIDE IN ADVANCE, ** COME early and avoid the rush."—Advertisement of 1900. “Come earlier and avoid the rush of those who come early.” Advertisement of 1905. A GENIUS. Mr. Snipps knows how to help himself when the landlord supp‘ies him with but one candle. A pen-knife and a little work secures for himself the necessary illumination. rs are very fine, Although they're only three Sor five, And golden raptures cer are mine When swift for one ot them I dive. very end— Yea, on them tight my teeth are 4 shut, While all the wreaths of smoke ascend, And they're reduced untoa “butt.” ‘The fragrant butts I gayly grind ‘And granulate for cigarette And pipe, and in this way I find ‘A pile of cash I save, you bet! In short, all care so quick is lost, While on these lovely weeds thrive, That I can scarce believe they cost Across the counter three for five. A SUBSTITUTE. HE professor had come to a most interesting point in his illus- trated lecture on“ The velocity of ocean currents,” when he came to a sudden stop. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said, “I regret to inform you that the wind-machine has just become out of order, and I shall have to find a substitute. Is William J. Bryan in the audience ?” BROTHER SUREFOOT’S PRAYER. AWD, cum an’ bess dis meetin’ now; Us needs a blessin’ heah, I vow. Cum 'mejiate, Lawd—oh, cum right down! Strike ‘viction in dese sinners grinnin’ roun', Al fleein’ f"um grace, an’ pushin’ back, Quick an’ thick fo' fire as hay in a stack. Don't pester, Lawd, ter cum roun’ by de do’, \ Whar de sinners crowdin’ back mo’ an’ mo’. THE SIDEWALK-ELEVATOR AGAIN. Des’ cum troo de house-top—split right troo! “Liza—" Gracious, Lemme! what is it?” T'll pay fo" de shingles ef yo’ do. Lem—" One 0” them consarned earthquicks. Can't yer see the very ground MARTHA YouNG. yawnin’ beneath our feet, b’gosh?”” comichooks.