Judge — October 8, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE CAMPAIGN. EN who wear the emblem, Put it to the test ; Press the Parker button And Hill will do the rest. THE GREAT AMERI- CAN NOVEL. Young author —" Ah! I'm glad to find you in, Are you busy to-day 2” Publisher— V'm never busy, sir, It's against my principles.” Young author—* That is good. Icame to talk with you about the’ great Amer- ican novel." Publisher — Aba 1 suppose you have writ- ten it?” Young author— 1 flat- ter myself that I have.” Publisher —1 see. Now, young man, to get at the bottom of this thing in a hurry, I want to ask you a few questions.” Young author — De- lighted, I assure you.” Publisher —“ How many characters have you introduced in your story 2” Voung author—* The usual number—about a dozen, I should say. Publisher—“ Bad at the start. You've got to have at least five hundred. How many nationalities are represented 2” Young author— Oh, it’s purely American, don’t you know. characters are all American born.” Publisher — Bad again. You've got to have at least fifty differ- ent nationalities, Have you sent any of your characters across the pond by wireless ?” Young author— But, sir, 1 don't write impossible, improbable stuff, My book is high-class fiction, after the style of Hawthorne and Goldsmith and “—— My i | it ‘ ditt ee AN err) ATTENTION: GRanp RALLY Zoe Ora REPARTEE. "Ah, yes: I'm very fond of flowers."* Sue—" | wish | could pick you some bachelor-buttons,”* Publisher —« Waitt Have you depicted lynch- ings, head-on collisions, po- litical intrigues, society scandals, mobs, riots, strikes, explosions, absconders, homicides, infanticides, sui- cides, poisoners, automobile criminals, bridge -jumping, prize- fighting, steamboat and theatrical calamities, ete., etc. 2” Young axthor —“No, sir; I Publisher —* Enough, young man! You might do to edit a fancy-work page in some Old Girls’ Home Journal, but as the writer of the coming ‘great Amer- ican novel’ you are on the wrong train.” Jor cons. AN AUTUMN PAS- TORAL. NOW the autumn is upon us, giving woods and skies a twist, Trees that , were an inspiration for the artist's brain and fist are as ragged as the whiskers of a howling populist. They are fattening up the gobbler in the farmhouse on the hill; in a very little while we'll see him-simply dressed to kill— though with doubtful resignation, like one David Bennett Hill. On a breezy hillock, musing, stands the philosophic goat, thinking sadly of election while he makes a mental note of the microscopic features of the Democratic vote. And the Democratic spouter, who is wading to his eyes in a surging sea of platitude ’s emitting mufted cries. But what matter? In November Teddy Roosevelt wins the prize. ma ISHING js not, as you are aware, Done by Queensbury rules, or by prize-fighter’s law 5 But from salmon to trout, most fish are put out By landing a hook to the jaw. INVITING TROUBLE. *Phot's this ye're sayin’ about me homely face shcarjn’ rats frum a nagur tinimint?” . “It's lole! "Ol sald av Ol wor advertoisin’ fer a wolfe an’ had yure face Ol wouldn't mintlon exchangin’ photos, Oi niver tho't av sich a good compare ison as a ‘rat-shcarer.’