Judge, 1904-10-01 · page 6 of 16
Judge — October 1, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical humor pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"Scaring Him Off"** mocks female social maneuvering—a woman's strategic comment backfires when relayed to the man she's trying to attract. **"All Is Vanity"** jokes about a man's pretentious claim to "culture club" exercise when he's merely pushing a baby carriage. **"Change of Heroes"** satirizes seasonal American sports obsessions, predicting football will soon displace baseball, tennis, and golf in public attention. **"Couldn't Miss It"** plays on workplace incompetence—a typewriter operator agrees to cover lunch despite not knowing the keyboard, justified by the poem's difficulty making errors acceptable. **"Standard Directions"** and **"The Ceremony Interrupted"** appear to reference Irish-immigrant characters and ethnic stereotyping common to the era. **"The Force of Habit"** mocks a struggling poet's mercenary courtship—even his romantic proposal includes a self-addressed stamped envelope, revealing his true character. The humor relies on period-specific social conventions and workplace dynamics now largely unfamiliar.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SCARING HIM OFF. “What's the trouble between Dolly and Ethel ?”” “Why, Dolly told Ethel she would certainly accept Jack if he proposed, and Ethel went and told Jack.” IMMATERIAL, JACK SPRAT contd eat no fat. It matters little, though He loudly howls for Alton B., And he will dine on crow ALL IS VANITY. Cobwigger—* Hullo, old man! aby «carriage, eh? Wheeling Why, where is your culture club.” “Taking exercise at the physical- CHANGE OF HEROES. THE homy-handed baseball heroes Soon will hit the rear; The tennis heroes’ exit time Is likewise drawing near. The picturesque golf heroes, too, Will have to disappear ; For soon the bushy-headed foot Ball heroes will be here. errfe james. COULDN'T Miss IT. S4GAY, old fellow! I'm in a big rush with this. Won't you take the girl's place at the type- writer while she goes to lunch ?” “But I don't know this key-board.” “Oh, that'll be all right. This is an Mlinois- French-Canadian dialect poem I'm working on.” STANDARD DIRECTIONS, He—1 understand that Mrs, Wiggins rejected Mr. Wiggins thirteen times before she accepted him.” She—"Yes. She evidently thought it best to shake well before taking.” ITH joy Tam the fabled clam At high tide, don’t you know? For care’s a joke while here I smoke And blue rings upward blow. And while T puff the fragrant stuff It melts in smoke away, Like all the hopes that Parker dopes Anent election day. THE CEREMONY INTERRUPTED. Comission MAN—' Remember, Johnson; sheep goes to New Jerusalem avenue, pig to Michael Flynn, One Hundred and Umpty- umpth street. Hurry back!” A STEADY JOB. THE FORCE OF HABIT. (THEY say that Versus's wife mar- ried him while he was still a struggling poet, on the ground that so thoughtful a man must make a good husband.” “How did she get that idea about him 2” “When he wrote to her, offering his hand, he mechanically inclosed a stamped and addressed envelope.” Rasst Scuocxstein—*' Shades ohf Aaron! der heathen have blundered.”* comicbooks.com