Judge — October 1, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IT CAME IN HANDY. THE LATEST FROM CHEFOO. CCHEFOO, September ——A junk, bringing a number of refugees from Port Arthur, arrived here to-night with advices, which were “impossible to confirm,” however, to the effect that Colonel J. M. Guf- fey is planning a bold attempt to carry Pennsylvania for Parker and Davis. According to this rumor, which, as stated, could not be veri- fied, Colonel Guffey proposes to array a number of mortars upon the Alleghany mountains, and these guns, instead of shot, will be loaded with silver dollars, which will be projected all over the Keystone state, with the expectation that whosoever finds the money will, in return therefor, vote for Parker, This proposed attempt of Colonel Guffey to carry Pennsylvania for Parker and Davis is contributing to the gayety of nations; or, to be more exact, the suggestion furnishes unbounded amusement to the representatives of the various countries stationed here. The general opinion, however, is that, should Colonel Guffey hold Chairman Penrose down to a plurality of four hundred thousand for Roosevelt—that is, prevent it trom being made unanimous—he will + display excellent political yeneralship. Never before has such interest been manifested in American politics as at the present time. Among the foreign consuls stationed here the Hill retirement story furnishes the terminal facilities for many a hearty laugh. One dip- lomat aptly expressed the general opinion when he said, "In giving publica- tion to the retiring story, David B. Hill may be likened to the man who dyes his mustache—he deceives himself, but no + one. else—not even the Chinese coolies at Che- foo.” A junk arriving here from Port Arthur to-day gave circulation toa ru- mor, which was uncon- firmed, however, that the report of the retirement of former Senator Hill from active politics next January is a topic dis- cussed between Japanese Shimose shells at the Miss Suapysipe—' Cartain—"* Madat Russian stronghold. A refugee, who converses in English fluently, had the following to say in con- nection with the Hill-retirement | matter: “Neither the Russians nor Chinese imprisoned at Port Arthur take much stock in the story of Senator Hill's proposed retirement a few months hence. On the contrary, the report has furnished the only source of amusement the beleaguered peo- "ple have experienced since the Japs blockaded the fort.” When ques- tioned as to the probable truth of the Hill-retirement report the Rus- sians reply, “ Buncoski!" «+ Dam- sky!" «Fudgovitch!" and other brief but expressive remarks. Even the Chinese coolies grin when the translated query is put to.them relative to the sincerity of the recent Hill proclamation, For example: Just for the fun of the thing I asked a coolie for his opin- ion, and he replied, “Ching Lee tell me of Senatee Hillee. He ~ = les Wire (who has been away,—"* You must have liked that breakfast-food, James, dear. There isn'ta single box left.” Velly fine Barnum man. He tell James—"* Yes, darling. It was great (sotto voce) to start the fire with, mornings.” velly fine soap-bubbie sloies. Te- he! tee-hee !” ALL AWRY. THE undertaker 's jolly, though he ought to feel quite sad, And there’s misery unbounded in the hired comic man.” ‘The average man ‘s unrufiled, but the geniuses go mad— Oh, I think this world should have been built upon another plan. UNANSWERABLE. EMULATIN + the modern naturalist, we resolved to interview a rat- tlesnake, “Tell us," we asked, “if your buttons come off, will your wife sew them on for you ? Having no antidote handy, we then judged it prudent to withdraw. oeMy TORY,” says the novelist to me, ‘is fiction, but it’s founded upon fact.” An’ then I got to thinkin’ what a good world this would be if every man who claimed to tell the truth would admit as frankly when his fact was founded upon fiction. ON DECK. * But why do you go out of your course to stop at the nearest port, captain ?”* \, | want a mate." Miss Snaoysine—*' Oh, c-a-p-t-a-i-n! this is so sudden!** comicbooks.com twenty recove Incr use Al giver. Bro itis t pletel Gr. bacco Bre favor. «§ factor tan of stantl show