Judge, 1904-09-24 · page 7 of 16
Judge — September 24, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects multiple satirical vignettes typical of early-20th-century American humor magazines: **"The Spread of a Great Idea"** mocks clergy financial schemes, showing a pastor planning to incorporate church debt as "preferred stock"—dressed up corporate finance language to disguise questionable ethics. **"A Dutiful Wife"** contains misogynistic humor about wives' shopping habits and frivolous spending. **"An Incorrect Simile"** jokes about labor strikes, with workers claiming to be "lightning" despite the old saying that lightning doesn't strike twice. **"Passing of the Pastor"** satirizes clergy poverty—a pastor can't afford bazaar merchandise. **"Why Shouldn't He Be Good?"** presents dark humor about a reform-school boy, reflecting period attitudes toward juvenile delinquency. Other brief pieces mock modern inventions (Galileo's clock making wives punctual), marital dynamics, and gambling ("The Winning Hand"). The page reflects Judge's satirical approach to contemporary social issues: organized religion, labor unrest, class economics, and gender relations.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
GOLD AND SILVER. PON the flute I fondly play And, never mute Throughout the day, 1 lift my voice And gayly shont, In language choice, ‘Tis up the spout ‘That Parker soon Will brightly twine, th sun and moon, Like the woodbine. He'll twine and run And do it soon "Neath moon and sun And sun and moon, Whe Show him a bold & tone-waves will Big knight of sil- Ver and of gold. THE SPREAD OF A GREAT IDEA. SA D how about your church debt ?” “Oh, we're not worrying about that. Our pastor, the reverend Goetzmorgen, is going to have the official board form a company, take over the church and trans- form the indebtedness into preferred stock “ Would that be a Christian operation ? “Well, in speaking of it he doesn’t use just that ex- pression. He calls it ‘applying the higher finance." A DUTIFUL WIFE. Cobwigger—" Did you spend all that money I gave you this morning ? Mrs. Cobwigger—" have had to w: es, love, If I'd spent only part of it | would tat the bargain-counter for my change, and then I wouldn't have been home in time for dinner.” AN INCORRECT SIMILE. “ L, we've struck at the shop again,” said Tenspot to Hawkins. “Tthought you had a strike there a month ago.” “We did, and won it. Now we have another strike. We're lightning, I tell you. “But I thought that lightning didn’t strike twice in the same place.” PASSING OF THE PASTOR. GUE had a stall at the bazaar And mused, + What will the pastor buy With cyes that seemed to gaze afar The cashless pastor passed WHY SHOULDN'T HE BE GOOD? “And I suppose you're a very good little boy 2" “That's w'ot! W'y, | only got out o' the reform-school yestiddy.”” SAUCE FOR THE GANDER. GALILEO invented the clock. “[ thought,” he lamented, “it might enable Mrs. G. to really be ready in a minute.” Later, when he found it kept tabs on lodge-night, he realized the boomerang he had contrived. HER THOUGHT. DL try to be id learn From day to day what's good for me— For knowledge I just yearn and yearn. To-day, for instance, | have read “You can't be If that you he: Which put the thought into my head, ‘The one ear." JACK ArrURTON. we should listen with _THE WINNING HAND. Man—* | see you.” Bull“ Well, Vi raise