Judge, 1904-09-10 · page 7 of 16
Judge — September 10, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces: **"A Glimpse Into the Future"** imagines archaeologists excavating buried American cities centuries hence. They discover coupons and deduce that civilization collapsed from a catastrophic "deluge of breakfast-foods"—satirizing the era's proliferation of mass-marketed breakfast cereals and processed foods, treating commercial products as absurdly civilization-threatening. **"The Grammatical Waiter"** is a simple pun: a diner complains of finding a needle in soup; the waiter suggests it's a misprint for "noodle." **"Bullion's Saving Grace"** mocks wealthy industrialists' wasteful spending. A man ruining himself maintaining a country estate with servants and horses is presented as fortunate—he could have gone "deeper in debt" by attempting farming. The satire targets the conspicuous consumption and financial recklessness of the wealthy. All three pieces reflect early 20th-century middle-class anxieties: consumer culture excess, linguistic pretension, and aristocratic wastefulness.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A GLIMPSE INTO THE FUTURE. HE scientists gathered ea- gerly about their corps of excavators. “ We are about to uiearth something of great value to said the head of the and it is well that we all be here. I will ask you to keep strict watch on what turns up now for future gen- erations.” The workingmen picked up their electric spades once again, Taking out his radium lantern, Professor A. D. Four- thousand turned its rays upon the hole and signaled them to goahead. The spades struck into a soft and fluffy substance, which was thrown out with case. Presently the air was filled with the flaky bits, one of which the professor caught and examined carefully. Sur- reptitiously touching his tongue to it, he smiled a knowing smile. Suddenly one of the work- men brought to view a closely- bound block of faded paper, cut into strips an inch square. With trembling hands the scientists gathered it up and cut the worn ropes which surrounded it. “Coupons !" they exclaim- ed, reading the almost indecipherable lettering on them, “Waiter, I find here in my soup a needle—a needle, sir!"* “That must be a misprint—that should be a noodle."* The professor tossed his skull-hat into the air. “The mystery of ages has been solved!" he cried. “Now we — a ~~ Xd \ Za) a THE GRAMMATICAL WAITER. “No; I'd lose too much on the repai arises from a couple of auto repair-shops I was lucky enough to start a year ago.” al A BULLION'S SAVING GRACE. “« Bullion’s country estate is costing him dearly. He keeps twenty servants and forty horses on It."* “But he might have gone in deeper—he might have tried to raise crops on it."" know what terrible calamity occurred, burying the great American cities beneath tons and tons of this substance! The slips of paper are the last link in the chain, establishing beyond peradventure the fact I have so long claimed would be proven, It was no upheaval of nature, no frightful volcanoes, that buried these great munic- ipalities under uncountable acres of dust. It was"—he paused to allow his words to have their full weight—*it deluge of breakfast-foods which put an end to the great nation ! By nine o'clock that night every inhabitant of the world knew of the great discovery, and the telowaves were carry- ing the news to the residents of Mars. JACK APPLRTOS. KNEW HIS BUSINESS. SeYES," acknowledged the well-dressed man, “1 have a very good income, but Ido not feel able to keep an automobile.” * But Lam sure I could ine terest you,” argued the dealer. “A man who has the money you are said to have surely ought to afford a good touring machine.” You see, my income Di B4e he a MW Uf i Mi comicbooks.com