Judge, 1904-08-27 · page 10 of 16
Judge — August 27, 1904 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical humor pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"PREPARATION"** references Theodore Roosevelt and James Fairbanks (likely Vice President James Sherman, though text says "Fairbanks"), suggesting political campaign preparation with coded language about chestnuts and pork. **"BARRED FROM THE WANT COLUMNS"** satirizes the impossible domestic servant—a woman seeks an omnipotent handyman for all seasonal tasks, and the clerk rejects her ad as "matrimonial" (implying she's really seeking a husband, not an employee). The joke mocks both unrealistic employer expectations and classified ad conventions. **"THE SUMMER BAND"** is a sentimental poem about street bands and their allure. **"SUPERLATIVE SCORN,"** **"THE HAIR OF THE DOG,"** **"GOT THE TITLE,"** and **"WOKE UP"** are brief comic vignettes about relationship dynamics, wordplay, and social pretension—typical Judge humor emphasizing class distinctions and marital mockery. The page is primarily entertainment-focused rather than overtly political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PREPARATION. THE nag is fine And soon he'll flit When on i 1 gay! And that will be When pork 's on top And from th The chestnuts drop. For then, indeed, All fine and fresh, Til pi ‘The old procesh In manner grand, A) And howl! x >» For Roosevelt and For Fairbanks. See? BARRED FROM THE WANT COLUMNS. b6] WANT to advertise for a man,” said the lady, ap- proaching the want-advertisement counter in the daily newspaper office. “1 want to get a man to carry coal in the winter, keep up the fires, shovel snow, mow the lawn in summer, also sprinkle it, tend the flowers mind the children, wash dishes, sweep the front porch, run errands, and all that kind of work—in short, I want a man who will always be around the place and can be called upon for any kind of hard work, He must be sober and reliable, of good appearance, not over thirty "— IMPOSSIBLE. “ Pardon, ma id the clerk ; “we cannot accept ; Finst ratkon—" What's the matter—can't you make a square meal off'n a steak?” matrimonial advertisements. Seconp patron —""No: how can I make a Square meal off'n a round steak?” ‘THE SUMMER BAND, GAIN I hear, dear heart, keep still Flock by yourself, in some ret Take to the woods, go chase yoursel The band is passing down the street. ‘The flags are up, and in the winds * Then fly the red and white and blue. The hand plays on; but, weary heart, There's nothing in the air for you, An Indian, so the legend runs, Will slow up when he hears a note, And grow as docile thro As any home-fed nanny Ah, could he but hear those tunes which ‘The street-bands call their summer goods— “© Bod—lia” and all kindred stuff He'd take instanter to the woods, or. tom WOKE UP. Waggles—“ That college professor is more successful since he gave up trying to reason out ist Vee neoditt aad a A i everything by deduction.” 1zzv—"" Yer needn't scoff ter me because yer flung me lover ove! reles_—* How 7 Maue—" Keep yer milk-sop! I wouldn't have a lover dat didn't git Jealous uv me an’ black me Jaggles—* How does he do it now two eyes wanst in a while,”" Waggles—« Uses a little hoss sense. SUPERLATIVE SCORN. THE HAIR OF THE DOG. 66 NEED not tell me that like does not cure like,” as- serted the man with the apolo- getic mustache. “Who tried to tell you so?" asked the man with the aggressive chin. “No one; but the point 1 wanted to make was this: My wife wore one of these drop- stitch waists until she got rheumatism, and then the nurse spread mustard on the waist and made a porous-plas- ter of it and cured the rheu- matism.” GOT THE TITLE. E married for a title— But you must understand DIFFERENT. ‘Suey Siats—"' Please, mum, but we're a couple uy shipwrecked sailors ““— He specified as vital Lapr— ‘What! You never was near the water. ‘The title to her land. Stuer Stats—"* Puffickly right, mum; puffickly right. We wuz ona air-ship.”” comicbooks.com