Judge — August 20, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY Az rae Parker BUILDING, Fourrt AVENUE axp Ninerexstu Staxxr, New, Your. Wastexx Apvaxrisinc Orrice—13 13 Hartford Building, Chkkage, Ml. One copy, one year, One copy, six mont FOR Eunorman saies-acents—/nternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. 1 s2 numbers a a or anumbers = = eee One copy, for thirteen week TERMS TO SUBSCRIDERS: $3.00 Including the Cuxisrmas Juoca SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $5.00 a year. = C., London ; Brentano's, Avenue del Opera, Paris: Saaréach's News Exchange, Alains, Germany. The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. CONTRIBUTORS mast inctose a stamped and self-adiressed entvelove with all manuscriots, otherteise return of the latter when found unav. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent fo the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address “written plainly on each and every separate sketch. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. De cannot be guaranteed. The accompanying joke or descriptive letler-press should in ébery instance be written upon its indtvstual picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paver. xclosure of stamps to the full amount of postage is also required, (0 insure safe and promot return of material not accented. AYE KNOW that a thing must indeed be very brittle when it is as brittle as the glass that is as brittle as is the average Democratic plat- form promise. eae og THE MANAGERS and handlers of Underhill Parker ought to know that political dead-weights are not political life-preservers, and that objects made for the purpose of holding a diver down have no value whatever in the business of returning the said diver to the surface. Underhill Parker looks like anything but a fashion-plate in the diving-suit which he will wear while groping beneath the troubled political waters for the pearl of victory dropped into the same, like the proverbial hot potato, by Wind Jammer Bryan. The suit was evidently not made to order, for the reason that the wind breaks it into all sorts of folds, and in so doing suggests to it was formerly the property of Grover Cleveland, who ly to fill it, although if he, the Princeton peri, were to be measured mentally for his clothing he could easily be fitted in the chil- dren’s department. But it is not the size of the clothing that is going to prove the most serious handicap to the Esopus farmer. The handicap that will tax his endurance to the utmost limit will be the weight of free trade, tariff reform, income tax, and the various other monkey-shine issues with which the Democratic party has failed to gull the people. Underhill Parker in his diving-suit has the appearance of one that might be utilized with great success as an advertising freak—one that could be converted into cash as a sidewalk herald bringing to a longing and impatient world the message of the boneless fish-ball or the secret of the machine-made pie. That he will have a pleasant time when the submarine search for the presidential . treasure begins is a matter of speculation, and it is quite within the pale of criticism to argue that, if he should succeed in finding this treasure, so called, fate will see to it that it slip through his clutching fingers. Still, he should be the cynosure of all Democratic eyes as the star in a most amus- ing tank-drama. ‘TURN ABOUT is fair play is a time-honored adage, and one that ought to work quite as well in politics as in anything else. On this line of reasoning Bryan should be willing, not to say glad, to reciprocate the sen- timents which actuated solid-gold Parker when, as an empty silverite, he supported the Nebraska talking-machine. The proverbial silence which is said to be golden, and not silvern, is the kind favored by the Esopus haymaker, who is at present engaged in making the kind of hay which will not be likely to count for much next November. Does Underhill Parker run with the gold-bugs and bark with the silverites? In the con- templation of such a combination as that of himself and the old peanut philosopher of Wolfert’s Roost we become mixed and uncertain in our thoughts, and are led to fancy that we are thrashing and splashing hope lessly about in the troubled waters of a prize-guessing contest. The fact that Underhill Parker supported Bryan is a feather pulled out of his cap, and if Bryan should refuse to espouse the cause of the Esopus agriculturist it should be taken to mean that the lost feather has been restored. Bryan is, strictly speaking, a combination of tomahawk and jaw, even as Underhill Parker is a creature of hayrake and silence; and it should go without say- ing that the silence of the Terpsichorean crusher of potato-bugs is in every way preferable to the potpourri of the Nebraskan, who is more generously supplied with lungs than with brains. The situation, which is an extremely interesting one at present, is quite likely to be even more absorbing two moons: hence, when the political pot is at the boiling-point. The bugaboo of imperialism, and all the other bugaboos and puppets, are now being scoured and repainted and tuned for Democratic campaign purposes. The veneer and highly-colored underhand painted pictures that represent fancied facts and issues will be easily penetrated by the optic of the voter who has. the good of the country at heart; and if Bryan should come forth and con- tribute his windmill jaw to the cause of Underhill Parker, it will be a Waterloo for him, and also for Roosevelt, who will have the Wellington end of the battle. WELL EARNED. “So van Dauber’s rich uncle, the pork-packer, died and left him a million?” «Yes: but Van earned it all right. Why, he used to go round and praise the ‘old masters’ that his uncle ‘ picked up’ in Europe."* comicbooks.com