Judge — June 18, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A GREAT SCHEME. GLAD smile broke into a long, low chuckle of delight that made the clubman in the next chair rouse for a moment from the labors of dig “Struck a good thing, eh? Let's have it.” “Good thing?” said the happy member, «It's simply a Klondike and Golconda rolled into one, with an inexhaustible mother-lode in sight.” “Oh, I thought it was a joke.” “Joke nothing! This is as serious to me as the sources of my income.” “You interest me.” “The Japanese have just made another advance in Manchuria.” “Well, I don’t see anything in that to chuckle about.” “You don't, ch? Listen to this.” And he read off an account of skirmishes and battles full of names that sounded as if the make-up man had pied a paragraph and sent it to press without correction. “ [don’t see any richness in that,” said the one who had butted in, “You don't, eh? Well, perhaps you will get wise when I tell you that my business interests lie almost equally in building sleeping-cars and modern flat-houses.” “Tam still dark.” “Pish, tush, man! Can't you see that this new list of outlandish names will enable me to christen all the sleeping-cars and apartment-houses that I can build in the next two years ?” tion and exclaim, GREEN om PROOF POSITIVE. Daucurer—"* Doctor, father has been acting so queerly lately. Will you please examine him and see if he should be put in an asylum?” INSANITY ExPERT—'" What is he doing now?" Dauciter—"* He's reading the Sunday colored comic supplements."* INsaNiTy expert—"" Gimme the commitment papers and I'll sign ‘em.”* IN DELAWARE. 6¢THE report of the peach-crop fail- ure hasn't had much effect on the market.” “No; the peach- crop failure hasn't, been a success this season.” QUITE THE RE- VERSE. Stayer —"1 am very impulsive—I never know when to stop.” Miss Weary— ORPHEUS JOHNSON. HEN 1's pickin’ on de strings, An’ mah hahd day's wuk am done, All my sorrers up an’ wings, An’ T’s brimmin’ full ob fun. For I charms de pussycat, An’ de brindled house-dawg, too, An some day de ‘possum fat An’ de cocka-doodle-doo T will charm, an’ den I'll be Out ob wuk an’ feelin’ fine As de blossom blowin’ fre On de watahmillion vine. Fo’ mah banjo ‘Il be a trap An a gun ter beat de band, An’ T'll live, while T flip-fap, On de fat ob all de land. A STRAIGHT TIP. Newrich (in a moment of confidence) —"I don't seem to quite get the hang of this society business. Even my footman seems to be a laughing-stock.” Cobwigger— You'd get along all right, old man, if you dropped the airs you put on and made your footman assume them instead.” AN EPITAPH. JOHN MILLER went hunting for gnus— He tried to catch two in a gnus. His friends say, “Poor John! "Tis tuo bad he is gobn ; But it made a rare item of gnus."” EB al 7 “Oh, yes, you do. The trouble is you don’t know when to go.” PURS do not give a horse speed; they merely make him use what speed is in him, SEVERELY PUNISHED. “So Silas was charged with havin’ seven wives. Was th’ judge severe on him ee eS “Awfull He discharged him with all seven of his wives waitin’ fer him in th’ corridor, comicbooks.com