Judge, 1904-06-18 · page 6 of 18
Judge — June 18, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early-20th-century American humor: **"The Motor-Boat"** mocks the faddish enthusiasm for new technology (motor-boats), joking that if boilers leak at sea, one would need to hunt a sperm whale for oil—a humorous exaggeration of the practical problems with this emerging technology. **"An Unwarranted Deception"** satirizes a street-car conductor's selective chivalry: he ignores elderly women but eagerly assists young, attractive ones. The joke exposes his hypocrisy when the pretty girl departs, revealing the conductor's "help" was motivated by appearance, not genuine courtesy. The old lady (her grandmother) gets the last laugh. **"To Be Expected"** is a brief joke about a poet's rejection: he makes a "mad wriggle to get out" after presenting his "madrigal" to an editor—a pun suggesting both his hurried escape and the failure of his work. The remaining pieces are lighter social humor about gambling, ocean salt, and a war correspondent's romantic misfortunes. The satire targets social hypocrisy, technological obsession, and romantic vanity.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE MOTOR-BOAT. HE motor-boat is on "Twill run the buzzy auto out, Believe us.” So the fad- dists say As of experiments they spout. Perhaps —but should the boilers leak While in mid-ocean, note the toil : A sperm-whale you will have to seek To get a fresh supply of oil. yack artimton. AN UNWARRANTED DECEPTION. THIS particular street car conductor was not one of the accommo- dating kind, and rarely assisted a lady in getting on or off his car. The older the woman was the less chance she had of receiving help from him. Now and then, when a young and exceptionally pretty woman stopped the car, the conductor's eyesight suddenly im- proved and he could see her, and so went to her assistance, One day a very pret- ty girl hailed the car. She was accompanied by a very old lady. The conductor couldn't have seen the old lady if she had been alone, but he could see the young lady, and in seeing her he managed incidentally to see the older woman. The girl was so good- looking that for the sake of helping her to get on the car the man was A SUFFERER’S OPINION. Youno wire—"' Jack, | wonder what makes the ocean salt ?** Youno nusean: Ih, I suppose some of the mermaids have been going to cooking-school."" willing to waive his usual scruples and help an old woman, though he cuse every time.” TO BE EXPECTED. ell. | presented iny madrigal to the editor.” Friewo—" Did, eh? Well, what happened?" Poer—" Well, | only remember making a mad wriggle to get out of the place " wanted it understood with himself that he wasn't establishing any precedent, and that when an old lady came along unaccompanied she would have to look out for herself. Having set- tled this point, he ap- proached the pair, first carefully helping the old lady to a seat and then turning to assist her companion. He was sur- prised to see her moving off, and he can still hear her words, Good-bye, grandma! I hope you'll have a nice ride.” MARRY IRVING HORTON. ‘THE SPICE OF VARIETY. Lady— Do you al- ways gamble at mar- bles 2” Kit—“ Not on yer life, lady! 1 sometimes plays de races an’ goes up against de cards.” FOILED BY FAME. HE great Russo-Jap war- correspondent, covered with honors, has come home. He seeks immediately the girl to whom he had given his affection before he went away to win fame and whatever fortune there might be. “Name the day,” he begs of her. No, it can never be,” she sobs. * Mother says that a man who shows such marvelous inventiveness as you do could stay out until two o'clock every night and put up a different ex- PAS elie ee ty comicbooks.com