Judge — June 4, 1904 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD SALT’S OB- SERVATIONS. SO AUNT he calm, though!” they said about a man. “ Was he hurt in th’ accident?" I asked. * No,” says they ; “but some of his friends was.” An’ I had to go away to laugh. I'd rather be jest me, Obed Burgee, master of the Lyddy, than Mary queen of Scots. If I don’t run my ship to suit the people they jest snigger, say I'm a fool, an’ run along. But when she didn’t run her kingdom 80's to suit ‘em they didn't snigger—not a bit. They chopped. And it was her neck they chopped. She died of it. There was a mighty affectionate married couple ‘on my ship one v'yage. “1 the husband says that I owe my pro- fessional success to her. “What's your business?” I asked then, “Why, I'm a doctor,” he replied. “How was it that she helped you ?” I asked then, “She started up free cooking-schools,” he answered. An’ I'm still a-wonderin’ what he meant. I lived next door to a philosopher last winter. “Ain't you goin’ to clean th’ snow off your side- walks?" I asked of him. “ Thought I'd wait a while,” he answered. * How long you goin’ to wait ?”I asked him, «Thought T'd wait about two months,” said he. won't he no snow to clean off,” I says angrily. Nernew (showing his uncle about)— Yes, Uncle Mike: that car spinning along so fast, with no horse, is a trolley-car.” Uncte Mixe (just over)—"* G'wan, now, an’ don’t be afther thi in Tralee at all, at all!” “So the engagement Is broken? Did she give him back the ring?” He's bought a new suit and redeemed his watch.”” “T judge so. * But thav'll be spring, an’ there EVIDENCE. COULDN'T FOOL HIM: thinkin’,” says that philoso- pher. There's some folks can find things to criticise any- where an’ everywhere. “ What,” says th’ old sailor when we was discussin’ of th’ Panama canal, “ would happen if th’ tides in th’ two oceans should happen to come different? Say Atlan- tic was low an’ Pacific high. Why, th’ old Pacific ‘d jest rush through into th’ Atlan- tic. Then s‘pose some fool critter shut th’ locks. Why, then New Jersey an’ Great Britain, they'd be drownded out along with everything in east America an’ west Europe, Asia an’ Africa. While east Asia—th’ Chi- nese would have ten million extry miles of territory for th’ other nations of th’ world to quarrel over,” That same man would tell a feller that was a-goin’ to be hanged in ten minutes not to spend his money for a chew, on th’ ground that it’s th’ thrifty, savin’ folks without bad habits that gits along best. A BUSINESS MINISTER. First minister— Mr. Prosy, how do you manage to fill your church so? 1 am quite envious of you.” Reverend Mr. Prosy— “ Trading-stamps — ten in the morning, double number in the evening. But, Brother Lastly, we have a contract by which no other church in town may obtain the “That's what Jwas stamps.” ryin’ to make game av yer rilitive! There wor niver a car-r th’ loikes av thot, wid no harse, comicbooks.com