Judge — May 28, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD SALT’S OBSERVATIONS, be mighty nice to bea king an’ run a country ; but I reckon ‘tain't a marker fon what it is to be a queen, She runs the king. “What do you want more for?" I asked a miser. Look at what you've got.” “Tean't,” says he. “All T can see is that that other people have. It’s an affec- tion of th’ eyes,” says he. I paid three shillin’ for a mango once, when I was tied up in London, an’ I dunno’s I ever eat anything that tasted better. A month later I was in Havana, where I could git ‘em for th’ askin’, an’ somehow I didn’t think much of mangoes.” As far as | can figger out, experi- ence is a dear teacher, principally he- cause she’s such a mighty poor one. Half th’ time her lessons is forgotten in ten minutes, an’ almost always within a month. Jest see th’ number of unhappy marriages that widows makes, FOR FACIAL HARMONY. Th’ records of our joys an’ our suc- Bot owners (simultaneously) —" Hey, friend! what do you say to you and me swapping dogs?” to think of it, an acknowledgment of that sort is a kind of braggin’, When you tell of sech a change of sentiment you're boastin’ that you're gettin’ wiser as time flies. There's sixty minutes in an hour. Sixty times twenty-four is fourteen hundred an’ forty. ‘There's sixty seconds in each minute. Sixty times fourteen hundred an’ forty is eight four hundred. That's the number of times a wo- in change her mind in one day without in’ anyways beyond her strength. An’ that’s good luck to ketch a squid dur- in’ full moon an’ when th’ wind 's in th’ east. Th’ moon was fuller'n a goat, an’ th’ wind was roarin’ from th’ eastward when a sailor caught one. While he was a-leanin’ over th’ rail, a-haulin’ of it in, he fell overboard an‘ almost drownded, But he was rescued. That proved th' proverb to th’ sailors. Everybody said th’ squid had brought good luck to Bill. If it hadn’t been for him, they said, Bill would ‘a’ drownded. I got thinkin’ IN THE MUSEUM. about it, an’ suddenly, 's quick as a flash, it oc- **So the living skeleton wanted to marry the fat lady ? curred to me that if it hadn't been for th’ squid “Yes; but the manager kicked—said it was a well-known fact that married people grew to look he wouldn't have fell overboard. Tut like one another.” HOWARD MANSHALL. cesses are mostly write ten with a pencil on a secret slate, an’ old man Time, he car- ries a wet rag along to wipe ‘em off. Th’ records of our sorrows an’ our failures are cut deep in, like chis- eled words upon a monument. An’ ain't most folks jest eager to gaparound an’ read inscriptions on a mon- ument? There's _gener'ly more'n one way of lookin’ at things. For instance, most men hate like thunder to admit that they've A WISE PROPHECY. been wrong; but, ‘Tue rortune-TeLLeR—"* This line tells me that in the near future you will be taking in washing.” a Tue susject—"' ‘Clar ter goodness! dat suttinly am wond'ful. How'd yo’ ebah know dat me an’ Sam, heah, ;tended gittin’ re'lly, when you come — married nex’ week?” comicbooks.com