Judge, 1904-05-21 · page 7 of 16
Judge — May 21, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical commentary on marriage and relationships presented as advice from "an old salt" (seasoned sailor). The humor targets women's behavior, marital discord, and gender dynamics typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines. The main text mocks women's inconsistency in romance, vanity, and marital complaints. A secondary anecdote satirizes political flattery—citizens celebrate a king whose accomplishments are absurdly inflated ("wrote a historical novel," "squared th' circle"), yet he remains anxious about his wife refusing to vacation where he wishes, exposing that even powerful men lack domestic control. The cartoon "Only a Bluff" depicts a couple where the wife exaggerates getting wet to impress friends about her husband's attentiveness—the satire being she's fabricating his devotion. The bottom cartoon shows Irish characters (suggested by dialect), with one claiming his ten cents isn't "workin'" because his other senses function instead—a pun on employment. These pieces reflect period attitudes about women as irrational, men as domestically powerless, and immigrant humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN OLD SALT’S OBSERVA- TIONS. OVE dies of starvation in some houses, but there's more in which it's indigestion kills it. Water in a ship's hold can stay at the same level. Love in a household can't—it'll git more or less, as sure as fate. A woman who was born as misshapen as she makes herself with corsets an’ such truck would commit suicide from pure shame about her figger. Some women are like fogs not ‘cause they're damp an’ clam- my to th’ touch, for that they ain't, but ‘cause they much obscure our views of other things. I passed Jim Brown two weeks ago, when he was walkin’ in th’ road behind a mule-team, an’ for- got to nod to him. This mornin’ I passed him ag'in, when he was ridin’ in a carriage, an’ I took off my hat an’ waved it real cordial like. I wonder why. Ain’t it funny about women that flirt? One of ‘em ‘Il stay awake all night thinkin’ about th’ man that wouldn't wink back at her, while th’ chap that fell plumb in love at first sight won't git so much as an extry snort as she cuddles down an’ goes to sleep. Here’s a precept that a pas- senger flung at me after his wife had threatened to git a divorce because he had seen somethin’ on th’ horizon that he said was a cloud an’ she'd declared it was an iceberg. It had turned out to be acloud. “Never marry a woman ONLY A BLUFF. much,” he says. “Never marry one who ain't,” he added, * for like enough she'll fall in love with some other man later.” Then he went into th’ smokin’-room an’ told th’ steward to bring him a Scotch high-ball. I went ashore in a foreign port, an’ th’ people was givin’ a humty-roodle-doo in honor of th’ king. © Why?" Tasks. «Cause he’s licked ev'ry other nation with- in reach of him,” says a native, “put down forty-six revolutions an’ a dog-fight, fooled all th’ other ‘countries of th’ earth in diplomas- sy, caught all th’ criminals, cured all th’ sick, cheered th’ unhappy, wrote a historical novel that’s had a bigger sale than* Eben Holden,’ solved th'servant problem, squared th’ circle, found th’ philosopher's stone, straightened oui th’ cur- rency muddle, done away with tariff arguments, reconciled Tom Platt an’ Richard Croker, drove an eight-hoss team with th’ reins in his teeth an‘a flag in each hand, broke th’ record for th’ runnin’ long-jump, an’ learned th’ bible so’s he can recite it backward with his eyes shut an’ a pebble in his shoe.” “Mercy on us!" says I. “He's a great king. Ain't his people happy, though? But what makes Aim look so kind of wor- ried 2” “Oh,” says th’ man that was a-talkin’ to me, “that's be- cause he wants the queen to go to th’ seashore this summer, an’ she says she's goin’ to th’ moun- tains." “Can't he make her go where he wants her to?" I asked. ; ‘ Mrs. Newtyweo—" Dear me! why did you get your lif “ifete wet says Any mans) Wy whois 10 Jove ‘si you!" he says Mr. Neweewe-—"*Oh, just to let my friesds know that Team still she's his wife’ “Oh says to me, **’cause she'll expect too — tiving.” EDWARD MARSHALL. HE KEPT IT. Mixe—"* Hov yez ten cents thot ain't wurkin’, Pat?” Pat—"' Yis; but all me other senses is!" comicbooks.com