Judge, 1904-05-21 · page 6 of 16
Judge — May 21, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects several satirical pieces mocking social conventions and modern changes: **"A Genuine Hero"** ridicules the trend of erecting public statues. The narrator discovers a monument honoring a man simply for quitting smoking—absurdly trivial compared to actual public service—yet treats this minor personal achievement as heroic. The joke satirizes both inflated commemoration and the era's temperance movement obsession. **"Tempora Mutantur"** (Latin: "times change") mocks how marriage erodes idealization. A husband once praised his wife's graceful neck; now he compares it unfavorably to a giraffe's, suggesting women's liberation (via women's clubs) somehow diminishes their appeal—a backhanded jab at feminist progress. **"His Home Shave"** celebrates simple domestic pleasure in humorous verse about a man shaving at home—likely contrasting with barber culture. The remaining pieces offer light humor about domestic life and parenthood. Overall, the page reflects Judge's conservative satirical stance on social change, particularly regarding women's increasing independence and public participation, rendered through gentle mockery rather than outright hostility.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A GENUINE HERO. STOPPED before a new statue—one that I had never seen before in the park. The name upon it, too, was new, and I could not recall the face as that of a man who had served his country on land or sea, in the halls of legislation, or, in fact, in any line. Why a statue had been erected in his honor was a question that I could not answer; but when I went around to the other side I learned that the man was areal hero, and that he deserved the honor that had been paid him, for I saw the following words : Sacred to the memory of a man who gave up smoking and kept his pledge.” Removing my hat as a mark of respect, I walked on until I reached a drug-store, where I bought a dozen Flor del Cabbagos. TEMPORA MUTANTUR. H® USED to say her neck was like a swan's ; Rut now, when scornfully he sneers and laughs, Her eyes resemble much a startled fawn's— He says her neck is quite like a giraffe's. Crawford—"1 suppose when your wife joined that women’s club she bought a book on parliamentary rules ?” Crabshaw—" No. She said all she needed was a latch-key.” HIS HOME SHAVE. [ SUT on the keg and 1 et the brush ly All over my face, from the chin to the eye; ‘Then with the old razor I have, full of joy, The shave that is velvet, and not corduroy. I push the old razor with speed o'er my chin, And crack the wire whiskers two days neath the skin ; And as the keg wabbles I break into song, While to its andante I shave right along. At last, when I've finished, I feel spick and span, And quite like another hen-bred Afri-can. s then loud I shout, while my features I lave, “ Hurrah for the joys of the dandy home-shave t” REFLECTION ON HIM. HE author of the remark, « Time will tell,” was confronted by Time himself, “Look here !" said the old gentleman, “don’t you know you will get people all mixed up about me? I'm no woman !” OMINOUS. “ They're going to get another girl in MIGHT HAVE BEEN WORSE. Unce Hiram (with a sigh of relief) —"* Wa-al, this is what | call luck. Thought sure ‘Mandy wuz after me.” WELL, THE IDEA! “What makes the india-rubber man so happy to-day ?"" “He told me that he’s just become the proud father of a bouncing boy.” comicbooks.com