Judge, 1904-04-09 · page 6 of 16
Judge — April 9, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple short humorous sketches typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"A Quartette of Ifs"** mocks militaristic fantasies—a character wishes to hear cannons, fight Russians with "wild and fiendish" tactics, help Japan, and fight from a balloon. It satirizes armchair jingoism and impractical martial enthusiasm. **Other brief comedic dialogues** include social observations: a woman worried about appearing "shopworn," debate over taking babies to church, and mockery of agricultural conservatism (defending dog-powered churns over modern pneumatic systems). **"A Willing Team"** (bottom cartoon) uses rural dialect humor: a farmer boasts his horses form a "willing team"—one willing to pull the cart, the other willing to *let* the first do the work. It's gentle mockery of farm life and animal laziness. The sketches blend political commentary, social class humor, and domestic comedy typical of Judge's editorial approach—mildly satirizing militarism, pretension, and resistance to modernization.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
A QUARTETTE OF % A SHOCK. TFs. HE bird of rumor came "D like to hear the mauser . and sang crack, . Beside my ear to-day. ‘The cannon's thund’rous . ao x " A litde while its trillings tone, rang, If I could do the hearing by % ‘ ° oe And then it flew away. Long-distance telephone And as I listened I discerned T'd like to fight the Russia: Bate, E . ’ . My heart grew strangely bold 3 : cold. With wild and fiendish “ d : 4 The secret which I just had Fa is v7 4g learned HET Gould Wear soa Goes: ‘ Sedee : Was one I'd lately told. ele . = j LURANA Ww. SiUELDOM, And uniform of tin. 4 tL bs: SPEAKING CONFI- T'd like to help the Japanese 2. DENTIALLY. At morning, night and j ye ; Gladys— Don't you noon j > ) think the duke looks If I quite out of reach could 4 : : careworn ?” fight t } Mae—" Er—no; sort Afloat in a balloon. of shopworn.” T'd like t t in thi ; ia Sty/4 OUT OF PLACE. With all the men of y See, Mrs. Waggles— might ‘ b “ Do you think it right to If I could eat at a hotel take a baby to church 2” And sleep at home at Waggles—"Cer- night. was awxs. tainly not. It would Soe I es 4 keep everybody awake.” Cora—“She didn't : s CONSERVATIVE, tell him that she has i sy SEE,” said the visit- been engaged before ?” or, “that you cling Dora—“Oh, no. to the old custom of hav- She's keeping that quiet ing your churn operated for strategic reasons.” by means of a dog inside a wheel, Seems to me A STIRRING FINISH. you would keep in touch Tourist—" And did with the times and adopt the musical genius born some more advanced on this ranch finish his BRORESSIONAE- LOVE: education in Europe ? First actress—"* Did her acting electrify the audience?” What else: could Borax Bob— No; Seconp actress—" Yes; It shocked most of them."* we use ?” asked the farm- right here in Arizony. He ‘ er's wife. tried to convince some o' the boys that rag-time warn't good music, “ Why, for instance, you could get a pneumatic arrangement "— an’ they buried him an’ his pianner together.” “Well, the dogmatic suits us pretty well as it is.” eee Wet A WILLING TEAM. Uncie Pere Jimtetr—‘ This ts what | call a willin’ team."" Ovo Bri Kecrnum—" ‘Tis, eh?" "Yes; the near hoss is willin’ to pull an’ the off hoss is willin‘ to let him." comicbooks.com