Judge, 1904-03-26 · page 6 of 16
Judge — March 26, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two separate comedic pieces satirizing Victorian-era courtship and social pretension. **Top story ("Too Practical"):** A young statistical student attempts to woo a woman by reading from a notebook containing mathematical formulas for "perfect beauty" — proportions like the head being one-seventh of body height, egg-shaped eyes, and specific nose-to-forehead ratios. The woman responds with practical mockery, rejecting his pedantic approach. The satire mocks both scientific reductionism applied to human beauty and the young man's complete lack of social awareness or romantic charm. His statistical earnestness kills any romance. **Bottom cartoons:** Two brief jokes about financial embarrassment and pretension — one about a photographer ensuring a hat looks "high-toned" for a city relative, and another about a tenant owing rent who hopes to move away rather than pay. The overall theme: Victorian pretension and impracticality meet reality's harsh demands.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
TOO PRACTICAL, HE young woman, her hair tossed care- lessly by the sighing zephyrs of the evening, her cheeks flushed with the glow of radiant health, and her lips parted in a bantering smile, asked, « And am I really beautiful ?” Now, the young man was a stu- dent — he was a statistical student. Wishing to be exact and truthful in all things, he drew from his pocket a small note-book, turned to a well-thumbed page, and read aloud, «The perfectly beautiful woman— The head should be a seventh part of the body—that is, the height should be equal to seven heads,’ ” The girl looked at him in wonder. “I should say,” commented the young man, that you are not quite seven times as high as your head ; but still "— “If I were seven times as high as my head I should be thirty-five feet high,” asserted the girl. “It doesn’t mean that, Miss Purteigh. It means that if your head were to be taken off and six more like it put ‘on top of it, it would result in a row of heads that should equal your height, if you were mathematically correct.” “ They'll never do that with me unless I have to work in a museum,” answered the girl. ‘The young man returned to his book. «The eyebrows should be well marked and the lashes should be long and silky. Eyes that are shaped like al- monds are the most beautiful.’ ” * And what is the shape of my eyes 2” she demanded. “To be honest,” he replied, “ they are something the shape of an egg.” “ Well, I'm glad they don’t look like peanuts,” she sniffed. Still unconscious of the trouble he was dancing over, he resumed. +The nose should equal the forehead in length. Its thickness should be in proportion to the features.” The girl clapped her fingers over her nose. * You sha‘n't measure my nose !" she declared in muffled tones. “ Very well,” answered the scientific youth. “Let us go on. ‘The chin should be delicately rounded and free from indention.’” HAD NOT he ‘ ru" , i i = THE PROPER DIGNITY. Uncie Moxt Unpergrust (to photographer)—'* Mandy wants ye to be sure an’ git a good likeness of the hat, to look a leetle high-toned.”” We're goin’ to send the picter to Henry in the city, an’ want it She put her other hand over the dimple in her chin. The hands should be long and plump, with tapering fin- ger: “Herbert Muggser,” came from beneath the hands, “you stop! You get up and go home, and stay there until I send for you.” “ When will that be? “ Whenever I find a book of rules on how to tell whether a man has good sense.” FORGOTTEN. ‘Tue LanpLapy—'' I'm afraid Mr. Slopay has forgotten what a large bill he owes me.” Tue stax Boanoer—"No, he hasn't. He said only yesterday that he wished he had money enough to move."” comicbooks.com