Judge — March 19, 1904 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD SALT’S OB- SERVATIONS, TALK about th’ vanity of women! What do us sea-captains wear brass but- tons for? I knew a hole not over six inches square to sink a ship two hundred and eight Y feet long. i y GY) There's lots of folks y | YY would think a sunset was a fy. Ap prettier picture if it had a Ym pp ¢heap gold frame around it. | YY Y) Ih My I never could under- | 4 ZA 7) stand why some boys said Y “cheese it” when they meant “quit” until I ate some limburger. You ain't no deader when you're drownded in th’ ocean than you would be if you was drownded in the horse-pond back of th’ barn. I've known rich men to envy th’ appetite of th’ day- laborer. I wonder if there was ever a day-laborer that envied a rich man his dys- pepsy. There's one good thing about bein’ to sea. If my ship sinks in mid-ocean I don’t have to git up th’ next mornin’ an’ read all about it in th’ newspapers. Tryin’ to maintain your reputation on a basis of lies an’ false dealin’ is like tryin’ to hold your pants up with one suspender an’ all your buttons off. There ain't been so many lives sunk in th’ hull sea as there has been in beer-glasses, an’ yet a beer-glass only holds half a pint. That shows how small lots of men is. When I look at other men’s wives I wonder how their husbands ever could have married ‘em. When I look at my own I wonder how night, an’ he hain’t got nothin’ ter kick.” UM, VES PRETTY FAIR, OLD STYLE THOUGH Now You SHOULD SEE THAT MY LITLE SON RUNS IF CONSTANTLY A LITTLE Gur) MR. HOTAIR DESCRIBES aR \ wits A SUBSTITUTE. Poet—"" Kindly take this poem in to the editor, my lad." Orrice-soy—"* Take it in yerself—he'll be glad ter see yer. HIS AUTO. I could have stayed single as long ‘s I did. Some men look wise when they're silent, just as some beer looks good when it’s bottled. Let ‘em open their mouths an’ they sound extraordinary foolish. Un- cork th’ beer an’ it’s mostly froth. Th’ nicest letter I ever got from Lyddy was th’ shortest. It was th’ very first | got durin’ our first separation. It said, “ Dear Obed— Whenever I pick up th’ pen it makes me cry. So no more at present from yours till death.” I used to kind of smile when people talked about the dangers that they'd passed through on land. Didn't seem to me there could be no dangers on land. But, then, one day I was ashore in San Fran- cisco, an’ somebody—wasn’t that malicious ?—got me to try to ride a buckin’ bronco _ pony. My! how I did pray that God would please let me git back to sea; where everything is nice an’ safe ! « How can you find out how to spell words ?” asks a sailor of me. “Look ‘em up in th’ dictionary,” says I. “Is there one on board ?" asks he. « Yes," says 1. Come down in th’ cabin an’ I'll lend it to you.” Iwas real pleased because one of my common ‘fore-th’-mast hands was so ambitious. He come down an’! lent him th’ book. He looked at it fer quite a spell. Then he said, puzzled, * How can 1 look words up in th’ dictionary if I don’t know how to spell ‘em ?” he asks. There's lots of folks that’s jest as helpless as that poor De cat froze ter death last jlor was. RDWARD MARSHALL 135 HORSE PoweR, | BUILT TO ORDER cost mer's.ve DUT | DARN THE EXPENSE <TD) 01 A mne iw 33 low MUDDY ROADS® SO THATS *( 5) re aurot |" DS (YOU'VE MET HIS KIND.) comicbooks.com