Judge — March 5, 1904 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AN OLD SALT’S OB- Ftasneys Sramuces, What a wonder th’ world SERVATIONS. is at payin’ debts! UT to sea it don't . Success in life is like make no difference th’ masthead of a ship. how old the newspa- They say there's allus per is. room at th' top. That's Hollerin’ don't dono e true, because so few can good when you've sprung hang on, An'it's mighty a leak. You've got to - hard when it blows. pump. r > A sail is all right an’ Perhaps it’s true that 4 a rope is all right. Say money ‘Il make th’ mare th’ sail is a man an’ th’ go, but it won't make th’ rope is ambition. But wind blow. P you've got to havea pul- “He has a wife in ley-block before th’ rope ev'ry port,” says they. can raise th’ sail. Say “No wonder, then, he th’ pulley-block is th’ wo- Stays to sea,” says I. man he loves. You don’t allus find I knew a farmer that had th’ reputation of bein’ awful care- th’ finest figger-heads on ful. He'd spend six weeks considerin’ ‘fore he'd buy a cow. th’ best-behavin’ ships. My ! how careful he would be examinin’ that cow's meat an’ milk Women is jest th’ same. Y an’ disposition! But he married a girl he'd only known two A sulphur match is 4 weeks, an’ then said marriage was a failure ‘cause she couldn't mighty small, but think make good butter. of th’ size of th’ fire that A feller took a pig to sea an’ give him th’ best room in th’ one of ‘em can light. first cabin. He fed him on prime beefsteak ; he dressed him in Same 's true about a lie. : th’ finest clo'es; he put money in his pocket. “Ain't you hap- Rats leave a sinkin’ py?” he says to th’ pig. “No,” says th’ pig; “not by a long ship; friends desert a shot!" says th’ pig. «There ain't no mud aboard to waller in, man in trouble. Th’ rats an’ what I like to eat is swill.” can be excused, for they There was a strike of dock-wallopers in port. I asked one couldn't help to save th’ of the strikers what it was all about. “Ask th’ chairman of th’ ship. circle,” says he; “I don't know.” I asked th’ chairman of th’ Little rudders steer circle. «Ask th’ sleepin’ secretary,” says he; “1 don’t know.” big ships; little motives Lasked th’ sleepin’ secretary. «Ask th’ walkin’ delegate,” says sway th’ world, An’ th’ he; “I don't know.” I asked th’ walkin’ delegate. «Ask th’ worst henpecked man I grand guardian of th’ treasury,” says he; “1 don't know.” I ever see was a six-footer asked th’ grand guardian of th’ treasury.“ Ask th’ vice-presi- with a teenty -weenty dents,” says he ; “I don't know.” I asked aé/ th’ vice-presidents, wil one by one—there was three hundred an’ four of ‘em—an’ th’ last “ Th’ world owes me TOO LATE TO CALL. one said, «Ask th’ president,” says he ; “I don’t know.” I went a livin'!” shouted th’ Finst cuaprie—"'I thought you were going to 0 th’ president an‘ I asked him, What!” says he, “are th’ man. “Put ‘ck’ where call on Miss Bonds last, night with bon-bons and dock-wallopers on strike?” “Yes,” says I. Mercy me!” says v'is an’ you'll have it Manes Canta o" t:-ekwealied ibe night be- th’ president. «*I must have used th wrong rubber stamp.” Th about right,"says I. An’ —fore—in a poker game at the club."” rights of labor must be maintained ! EDWARD MARSHALL. Tet tce i ~ wy. WOULD BE WELCOME. ‘Tourist—‘‘ Do the natives of this island need a missionary ?"* Sreauen-cartan—"The worst way, Thelr crops were a total failure last year, and they're actually starving.” comicbooks.com