Judge, 1904-03-05 · page 4 of 16
Judge — March 5, 1904 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humor pieces satirizing American society and immigrant experiences. **"A Business Head"** mocks a European nobleman arriving in America who plans to apply "American business methods" to selling items on installment plans—essentially predatory lending via small savings banks. The satire targets both naive immigrants and exploitative consumer credit schemes popular in the era. **"Judge's Favorites"** and **"The Woman of It"** are lighter domestic comedy pieces about marital disputes, without clear political content. **"Between Actors"** is theatrical humor about stage performers. **"Out West"** and **"A Grave Error"** appear to be frontier/rural dialect jokes, mocking rural speech patterns. Overall, the page satirizes immigration, consumer exploitation, and rural American life—typical Judge magazine fare from the early 20th century.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ANNIE BUCKLEY. Oh, the ties and the tracks are the ladder of fame That your feet never trod when to glory you came. Oh, you rode in a Pullman through sunshine and snow, For the reason that you were the life of the show. And you're now at the top, and we shout till we're blue, “At the top there's no room for improvement in you!’ THE WOMAN OF IT. WHEN Mrs. Pot met Mrs. Kettle the memory of the little dispute of their husbands was fresh in their minds. However, Mrs. Pot got over it gracefully, and the other members of the club said no one could have been nicer or more thoughtful about it. Mrs. Kettle advanced cor- dially, took Mrs. Pot’s hand, and murmured her pleasure. Mrs. Pot cried, “So glad to see you! And how well you look! Black, my dear, is so becoming to you !” THOUGHE there's no love's requital, They're wed in a trice ; For he has the title, While she has the price. A BUSINESS HEAD. HE interviewers ask the nobleman who has just arrived why he is carrying the neat little savings-bank among his baggage. “T wish,” he ex- plains, “to apply Ameri- can business methods to my love affair—if there should be one.” “But we thought that would be perfectly understood,” murmur a few of the interviewers. “Ah, gentlemen, I see you do not under- stand, You see, I read the American papers. I observe how one may buy a piano, or a house, or a set of books, or any- thing, and take posses- sion of it without paying in full. The dealers sup- f ply him with a small sav- ings-bank, similar ‘to the one I have. Then each day the purchaser slips a dime or a quarter or a dollar into the bank, the dealer retaining the key. Presto! Before you know it you have paid for what you bought and do not notice the expense.” “ And you—how will you apply this method to your own case ?” “And I—if I marry an heiress whose father is temporarily tangled in the markets—I shall install the little savings-bank in my home, retaining the key, of course, and my wife shall place each day a small sum in the bank. You see, messieurs, it will make it pleasanter all around.” Beet Et Ss aes 7 rt SS Sa BETWEEN ACTORS. pa Why, when I did my act in Centreville the audience ow RAGEDIAN. pose?" simp; “And nobody else there to put the pup out, I sup- OUT WEST. Mrs. Breezy—" The impudence of that woman ! would flirt with her ?” Mrs, Lakefront— From past experience. How did she know that my husband She was his wife several years ago.” WE HAVE been told on good authority that we must forget ourselves if we would be happy, but we are so apt to forget that we ought to forget ourselves. A GRAVE ERROR. Jounsinc—"* Mistah Henpeck’s wife done made a scene at her muddah’s funeral yistahday."” sho! “way!” ‘Suirr— Jounsinc—"' Yessah. He done fo'gits hisself an’ lets er onion drap out ob his han’kerchief."" comicbooks.com