Judge — March 5, 1904 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY Ar THE PARKER BUILpInG, FounTH AVENUE AND NINETEENTH STREET, New YORK. Wes: UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, ur sanumbers= = ee Ove copy, six months, or senumbers = One copy, for thirteen weeks Avvexnisinc Orrice— 1313 Hartford Building, Chicago, Mt. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: $3.00 as including the Cuneststas Juocs. 2 FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $5.00 a year. Evrorean sat AGRnts—International News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, E.C. London : Brentano's, Avenue del’ Opera, Paris Saarbach's News Exchange, Mainz, Ger The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain, Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and digorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and self-addressed erfoeloze with all manuscripts, otheftvise return of the Latter when found unavailatte cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address written plainly on each and every separate sketch. descriptive letter-press should in ebery instance be written upon its indroidval picture, and NOT upon a separate slip of paver. insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. F, AS IT HAS BEEN SAID, architecture is frozen music, we fancy that there are a number of pretentious edifices in this hustling community that, if they could be but melted, would turn out to be mere coon-songs. ‘THE AVERAGE prize-fighter would add both to his laurels and to his financial capital if he could but bring himself to appreciate the great living fact that a battle in the roped square should be a pantomime always and a dialogue never. AT THE PRESENT WRITING Mr. Bryan appears to be a bit more than over-solicitous for the south; but when his attitude toward this particular section of the country is carefully looked into and analyzed and put to the acid test it becomes apparent, without the aid of spectacles, that he would have the south anxious to stand by him and flock under his free- silver banner in 1904. No one is depressed any more by the Democratic cloud of Bryanism, with its free-silver lining. And no one would be fooled or captivated by it if it should be turned inside out for inspection. Mr. Bryan has rung the changes on himself and his methods and his hopes so often that the country knows them by heart and is no longer impressed by them. His most ornate talk-flights fall upon his hearers like a shower of canned sentences, whose words, for the sake of spontaneity, should be re- arranged in such a manner as to eliminate the 1896 and the 1900 meaning, and to give them a savor of freshness of import. It matters not if Mr. Bryan roars with the loudness of a lion or with the softness of a suck- ing dove; for, so long as the burden of his yawp is free silver, the south will no more listen to him than will the north. His staccato on the subject of prosperity is not without an element of harmless diversion to all hearers ordinarily endowed with a sense of humor. Fancy the unique combination of prosperity and free silver!) Mr. Bryan is certainly a monumental phi- losopher and logician, and we should rather fancy that he would score a hit if he would but make a contract with some enterprising circus, to de- Te Sallleee The accompanying joke or Inclosare of stamps to the fall amount of postage (s also required, (0 liver ten-minute free-silver talks and become known, perhaps, as the soar- ing Socrates of the sawdust. WE ARE always apt to be over-vigilant when it is too late. We sel- dom, if ever, anticipate a disaster and arm ourselves against it, but wait until it has passed and left destruction in its wake, and then investi- gate and fortify ourselves against a possible recurrence. It is never discov- ered that the life-preservers are nailed or riveted to the steamship until she begins to sink. It is never learned that the exits of a theatre are not equal to the demands upon them until the flames fly and the asbestos curtain re- fuses to work. All gilt-edged advice given a man on the importance of fighting shy of restaurant milk, railroad water and raw oysters is not ap- preciated until that man realizes that he is being typhoided out of the game called life and, let us trust, harpward. We are too apt to incorporate into our arguments the words of the French philosopher, who says substantially that the troubles over which we worry the most are those that never come. And so we take the chances, knowing that if the worst comes to pass we may still gird up our loins and investigate or arbitrate, as the case may demand, for that which cannot be investigated can be arbitrated, and vice vers And yet neither of these makeshifts undoes that which has been done. Strong locks on the stable will not restore the horses which have been stolen, and the result of an investigation after a fire will not bring back the victims. All the arbitration in the world will not undo the work of ruin that has been effected by labor strike. We do not seem to realize that war is disastrous and terrible in its each and every particular. Now, if we could but put the arbitration ahead of the strike and the investigation before the holocaust, and keep the angel of peace chained or nailed in front of the war, everything would be better all round. But we will not do it; we prefer to drift along blindly and indifferently, and take for our motto and warning not ‘* Now is the accepted time,” as we should, but “It’s never too late,” which we should not. . NO TIME TO WASTE. Mrs. Faruer—"'If | offered you a Job would you refuse it?” Weary Witie—" No, lady; I couldn't spare de time. I'm simply rushed ter death refusin’ offers uv jobs now." comicbooks.com