Judge — December 26, 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. DAISY GREENE IN ‘WINSOME WINNIE." You are so light and airy and full of winsome grace, That all our cares and troubles to otherwhere you chase Till of our gilt-edged rapture you simply are the base. So skip away, oh, siren! and kick and caracole, ‘And while we feel you kicking sunshine into our soul Again, to land the tickets, our bank-roll we'll unroll. ‘THE UNENDING PROBLEM. SOWELL.” says the first man, «+ my wife has finally quit worrying because the fall bonnet she bought in September did .not prove to be just what she wanted.” «That's good,” said the sec- ond man. “1 don't know, Now she’s begun worrying about what kind of trimming she ought to have on the bonnet she will buy in April.” SARCASTIC. THEY had been discussing the baby’s ears, eyes and nose. “And I think it's got its fa- ther’s hair,” said the joyful young mother. “Oh, is that who's got it? I noticed it was missing.” And as looked dubiously at her. food. What will ma and pa say?— the tall girl with the suave manner said this the mother Lim Eruer—''Mercy me! there goes all the breakfast- I'll just squeeze the sawdust out ONLY ONE SANTA CLAUS. OLD Santa Claus will surely come, Just as he came Ing years ago, With reindeers harnessed and in bells, Across the roofs of rippled snow. He'll come not in a motor-car, Nor in an air-ship steered by wings ; Nor will the butler go below To let him in, for ne'er he rings. The age is swift, and things have changed Since all of us first learned the name Of him for whom all children watch And wait and pray—he's just the same. Nobody knows when he was burn, Nor whence he comes nor whence he goes ; Bat he is childhood’s king, and rules From an eternal throne of snows. He always comes the chimney route ; ‘The soot ne’er smuts his frosted hair As he descends alike to fill Each empty stocking hanging there. The same old Santy that came down To waiting ones long years ago, When they were children just like us, Refure their heads were crowned with snow, Slontem ENGLISH VERSUS SLANG. GRAMMAR TEACHER—'' James, give me a sen- tence containing the word ‘despair.’ " James—“* Me goil give me dis pear. There's but a single deer-drawn sled, And only one who wins applause From everybody on this earth— And that one’s dear old Santa Claus. FRANK HM. BROOKS, ITS PECULIARITY. SeTHERE'S one queer thing about money "— “Identify this one. “ Why, whenever you chip in you have to shell out.” A DUDE wOTs| CROAKED! IT SURPRISED HER. Se A-AS—aw—weally, donche- know,” confided Mr. T. Ith- ering Boogs to Miss Keenun, “ my doctah confesses—aw—that he is deucedly puzzled, doncheknow, about my case.” “What puzzles him?" she asked. . “Why—aw, haw, haw the says he'll be demmed, weally, if he can decide whethah I have the bwain-fag, doncheknow, or only think I have it” “You don’t say !” “ But I do, weally—'pon hon- ah. Fact, I assuah you. Deuced- ly funny—aw, haw, haw! Eh?" “Funny? I should say so. Why, I don’t see how on earth you could even think you had it.” 2 ‘A WONDERFUL IMPROVEMENT. Faruer (to his wife)—"' They are certainly im- proving the taste of this breakfast-food. This last of dolly. Poor Dolly!"* Ethel got is most delicious.”” comicbooks.com