Judge, 1903-11-07 · page 6 of 16
Judge — November 7, 1903 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains several short satirical pieces: **"Assayed"** (top): A romantic comedy where a man flatters a woman with flowery metaphors ("lips like rubies," "eyes like diamonds"), using precious metal terminology. She deflates his advances by noting he has "nerve like steel, but you haven't got enough tin" (slang for money). The joke: his flattery can't overcome his lack of wealth. **"Very Funny"** (center): A comedic dialogue between a Knockabout Comedian and an audience member about rowdy behavior—likely referencing vaudeville performance standards. **"Made Up"** and **"Impossible"** (right): Brief one-liners mocking artificiality and a singing teacher's futile attempt to blend Kentuckians' voices when half are drunk on rye whiskey and half on bourbon. **"Bronco Bill's Latest"** (bottom): A four-panel Western comic strip showing bronco-busting and wild horse riding—typical adventure comedy of the era. The page reflects early 20th-century American humor: class commentary, gender dynamics, ethnic stereotyping, and Wild West nostalgia.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ASSAYED, HE had a sil- very laugh and golden hair. He had plenty of brass. He knew she was engaged to another man, but believed he could copper the other fel- low’s bets. But one day he met her on the golf- links. Her arms were bronzed and her teeth gleamed as pearls when she smiled at him, “Your lips,” he said, “are like rubies and | 4Y = your eyes are | a like great dia- mes monds.” “And your nerve,” she tit- audience might call for an encore."* tered, “is like VERY FUNNY. anyway.— an’ the bear have it.— Knoceavour comenian (on the ground)—"* Say, old man! cut that out. You're altogether too strenuous, and the MADE UP. SO\YJHAT a very ar- tificial woman she is!” “Isn't she? Why, she dress- es her hair to look like a wig.” IMPOSSIBLE. 66NO, no! N said the singing-teacher who was ine structing the class of Ken- tuckians ; “this will not do. You must let your voices blend. Get more of a mellow ef- fect. Each of you seems to strike out on his own line, accord- ing to his own ideas.” steel, but you haven't got enough tin.” “Wa-al, cunnel,” said the first basso, “Ah doan’ bllieve yo’ kin It was then that the iron entered his soul. "Alas!" he sighed, git any blend hyuh, Half th’ boys has been drinkin’ rye an’ th’ otheh “ she can never be mine.” half drinkin’ bouhbon, an’ they woan’ blend.” “This brone is a wild one, but I'm goin’ to - 0 my string on that bear, ——Well, pard, if you're goin’ to throw back I'll have to cut loose an’ let you 3. —Look out, there, nelghbors! Every turn you make fetches you nearer to ——Good-bye, Ephraim! trouble. — goln’ to take. BRONCO BILL'S LATEST. 4 It's worth a good saddle to see the wild ride you're comicbooks.com