Judge, 1903-09-05 · page 7 of 16
Judge — September 5, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple humorous short pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"An Open Confession"** celebrates a volunteer firefighter from Gloversville, using nautical metaphors to describe domestic life. **"His Argument"** satirizes flawed logic: a man planning African exploration dismisses safety concerns by claiming he'll use a "fashion-pattern diagram" as a map—absurd reasoning that leaves friends speechless. **"Deserved a Concession"** uses maritime language to describe a drunk husband stumbling home late; his wife scolds him, and he defensively explains his "cargo" (drunkenness) required slow travel. **"A Poker Term," "Unreasonable," and "It Turned Him About"** are brief comedic vignettes about marital disputes, a doctor refusing payment after his car hit a patient's son, and an inventor's failed flight over Massachusetts. **"In Wildest Africa"** depicts colonial-era racial caricature—a photographer with indigenous people, using stereotypical "cannibal" imagery common to the period's problematic humor. The page reflects Judge's blend of domestic comedy, maritime humor, and unfortunately, period-typical racial stereotyping.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AN OPEN CONFESSION, we th ild and grit and skill, Will always be my litt "M Doc. Colegrove af Gloversville, To A volunteer I put the conflagration out And long T'll be the blithe and glad And make the old onlookers Old foreman of the hook and lad’ shout. now with pride all hearts Refrigerators, chests and chairs doth fill I rattle down the kitchen stairs. In lovely, dear old Gloversville. HIS ARGUMENT. EY was planning to penetrate darkest Africa. But,” protested his friends, * think of the danger of explor- ing an absolutely unmapped country !” "he replied, 1 shall use a fashion-pattern zing that any possible road would surely be there, they could think of no further objection to offer. DESERVED A CONCESSION. THE husband, who is returning home at an unseemly hour, strikes a choppy channel at the corner, and tacks with difficulty along the course to his front door. Once there, he warps his way to harbor, and is climbing the stairs with his shoes and coat on his arm—in other words, he is coming in under bare poles, close-reefed and tight-hauled—when his wife, who has been on the lookout since the end of the dog-watch, says, «It seems to me you have stayed out entirely too late. This is a pretty time of Hight for you to get home!" A POKER TERM. “Jack's up." “Beg pardon, m’ dear,” answers the husband, snubbing himself against the newel-post; “but y* know zhat a ship wiz as mush cargo as I'm carryin’ ought t' have good time ‘lowansh.” : UNREASONABLE. \ Doctor— Walker is the unreasonable man I ever sa Friend Nes?" Doctor — 1 set his little boy’s broken arm, and now Walker re- fuses to pay me, merely because it happened to he my automobile that ran over the boy.” IT TURNED HIM ABOUT. AN sitvyacht inventor—a rover— Flew over the land like a plover. He thought he could pass The good state of Mass., But, alas! he turned over Andover. ADVANTAGES OF DELAY. First farmer— You oughter took a trip to New York years ag A JOB FOR FATHER. Wittte—"' Darling, I'd die for you!” Unperraxer’s navonrer—" Oh, will you, Willie? You're just a dear! dull with father lately, and I do so need a new hat!" IN WILDEST AFRICA. Puotocrarer—" Now—er—shall | put you both on one plate? — Second farmer—* Oh, | dun- no. The longer you wait the more You know business has been awfully s re there is to see. -——Godness! how suspicious these cannibals are!"* comicbooks.com