Judge, 1903-09-05 · page 6 of 16
Judge — September 5, 1903 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains multiple short humor pieces typical of early 20th-century American satire: **"A Sea-Dog's Appreciation"** celebrates Sir Thomas Lipton, the Irish businessman and yacht racer famous for multiple America's Cup challenges with his yacht *Shamrock III*. The poem humorously praises him as a sailing hero. **"Modern Fashions"** mocks contemporary women's fashion—specifically the difficulty of embracing women wearing restrictive corsets, requiring a "diagram" to navigate properly. **"Charitably Inclined"** satirizes wealthy women purchasing expensive "mission furniture" (cheaply-made rustic pieces) while claiming charitable motives toward "heathens"—poking fun at performative charity and class pretension. **"Too Particular"** jokes about theatrical realism: an actress objects to pawning a Bible for food scenes while wearing diamonds, revealing the absurdity of selective authenticity in theater. The other brief pieces use wordplay and situational humor typical of the era's magazine humor sections.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
i A SEA-DOG’S APPRECIATION. SAIL with Tommy Lipton Upon the dark-blue sea, And oft his deck is skipped on. By happy little me. Tooften, at the morn, pipe Sir Tommy’s praises, which Gives vim unto my hornpipe While I my “bogs” uphitch. Hurrah for Tommy Lipton, Who sails the dark-blue sea! No tar from Bath to Tipton Is quite so great as he. And no crait have I shipped on That fills me more with glee ‘Than that of Tommy Lipton— The gallant Shamrock Three. HER CLAIM TO DIS- TINCTION. seTRE new cruiser attracted a great deal of attention on her trial trip.” “Did she beat ord?” “No. the rece She didn't.” NO CHANCE TO SPOON. Bride—“ What “is the brakeman lighting the lamps for?" Bridegroom—We are coming to a tunnel, my dear.” Bride — But what's the - use of tunnels if they light the lamps?” BUSINESS ABILITY. Griggs— Badgley has a great head for business.” Briggs—“ Do you really think so?” Griggs—" Why, that man could run a peanut-stand next door to a police-station.” A CHANGE IN METHOD Bill—" Hello, Jake! Yer lookin’ mighty respectable now- adays. Have yer quit de bunco business ?” Jake—" Not on yer life! I'm runnin’ a correspondence school.” HE people who are most skillful at seeing the silver lining to the cloud are usual- ly the umbrellaless ones that blockade your doorway while waiting for the rain to stop. UNEXPECTED REPLY. HE chronic bachelor finally turned to the quiet man who had taken no part in the discussion. “Would you, sir,” he said, “marry the best woman in the world?" “I did,” was the reply. MODERN FASHIONS. She (dreamily)—“ Why don't you put your arm around my waist ?* He (earnestly)—"1 would if you'd only give me a diagram.” CHARITABLY INCLINED. Mr. Touchy (annoyed)—* But, my dear, I can't see why you squandered all that money in buying mission furniture.” Mrs. Touchy (petulantly)—" That's just like you men ! T bought it to help the heathen—so there !” TOO PARTICULAR. The star—" The author of this play is a great stickler for realism, isn’t he ?” The manager—" | haven't noticed it.” The star—" Why, he objects to my wearing diamonds in the scene where I pawn the family bible to buy food for the children.” A TERRIBLE SPELL OF WEATHER. VERY DEEP. ‘So that quiet chap Is in love with Dolly? Well, they say still waters run deep.” “Oh, yes. She's got into him deeper than any chap she ever met.’ comicbooks.com