Judge — August 22, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

66] HAVE noticed,” said the corner-store loaf- er, seating himself on the counter in reach of the dried-apple barrel and de- positing a liberal supply of tobacco-juice in the coal- bucket; “I have noticed women cry over spilt milk when they ought to be thankful it wasn’t the grease, and that a married man and his hair are soon parted, and that money makes the mare go and horse-racing makes the money go, and that while ignorance is bliss it's a blister to be wise, and that all signs fail in dry weather, ‘specially fresh- paint ones, and that there are two sides to every ques- tion — your wife's and the other side.” Having filled one pock- et, the loafing philosopher moved to the other side of the barrel to have the empty pocket handy, and, unload- ing his mouth to make an outlet for his mind, he began. “LT have also noticed that faint-hearted chauffeur never won fair lady, and that as ye sew so shall ye rip, and that the way of the transgressor is hard to get onto, and that it is a poor mule that won't kick both ways, and that the people who cast their’ bread upon the waters throw it up- stream, and that the windy bloweth when you listeth. And I know that if all the world ‘s a stage Morgan must be the manager, and that if honesty is the only policy there are lots of people without insurance, Ti calieeet 3 Ne st lp ‘, Ih omy AT 43 THE RULE. ‘The sins of the parents are visited upon the child."* “Yes, indeed. They heir their domestic troubles that way, as a rule."* BETTER YET. ** Phat's good t’ get rid av th’ rats, Mrs. Rooney ?"* “Well, bromide is good, but lettin’ th’ ould licker alone is betther, Mrs. Casey."* “Small change ?” he gasps. Uw wd ou and that you should look before you marry, and that it is more blessed to get rid of some things than to re- ceive; and [ have come to the conclusion that a man may smile and smile and be married, and that if man , ‘sa flower boys must be sunflowers, and that there § is nothing in a name except your wife's, and that we never miss the dairy-milk till the well runs dry, and that a fish in the hand is worth two fish-stories, and that if all the world loves a lover it is through pity, and that some men are born fa- mous, some achieve fame, and some pass pure-food bills.” After discharging these pellets of wisdom at a rapid- fire-gun rate, and taking a parting shot at the coal- bucket, he slid down off the counter and said, “ Well, I must go home and chop some wood for my wife to get supper with, as she said she had some dried apples to cook.” ‘THE RULING PASSION. HE. prospective heirs of the dying miser come silently into his sick-room, The physician is seated by the side of the patient, a finger on his pulse. “How is our dear un- cle to-day, doctor ?” ask the prospective heirs. “There is small change in his condition,” whispers the doctor. At this the dying miser rouses himself by a supreme effort. “ Put—it—in—my—pocket !" cn comicbooks.com