Judge — August 22, 1903 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

HE TRIED IT ON A DOG. "Rastus—'' I'd like ter meet de man dat tol’ me dat ‘ music hed charms ter soothe de savage breast.’ THE EARNEST REFORMER. SCYES, sir,” said the earnest reformer, leaning over and shaking his long forefinger in the face of the unappreciative listener; “I want to say to you that the greatest mistake in modern business life is the haste with which men eat their lunch. Now, I'll venture to say to you that you are a victim "—— « Excuse me,” interrupted the other man; “but I"—— “Now, just you wait a minute. What I was going to say was for your own good. I can tell just by looking at you that you are one of these men who think they must hustle all the time, and "—— “But I wanted to say "—— “One minute more, if you please. And as a result you jump from your desk to the table and from the table back to your desk, and what is the effect? Doesn't it show as plain as day? Now, I want to ask you, asa friend of yours—of course, | “—— > Hy tS Tatts tl Niu hy “You are mistaken, sir, 1°—— “No, Iam not mis- taken. I know I don't know you from Adam's off ox, but Iam a friend of yours, the same as I am a friend of all hu- manity, and what I want to ask you is that here- after you will have some consideration for your- self and for your future, and allow yourself a full hour for lunch, Why, man, it is terribl> to see the way our modern busi- ness men are rushing themselves into the grave. Now, promise me that you will adopt this plan of one hour for Junch.” “No, sir; I will not 4 promise you that.” 4 “ You won't?” The earnest reform- er sputtered and started as if he had been stung. s e aeNw yy ng Yor ow uy WN gM. 5 “No, sir; I won't. Allow me, sir, to give you one of my cards. I never eat any lunch, as you may see from it.” And the earnest reformer spent the next half-hour study- ing an oblong piece of card- board, which informed him that“ James H. Nibbiker was * president of the two-meals-a- day society.” ‘THE PUGS. AT pxsilistic blow and brag We feel inclined to scoff. Why don't they advertise their mills, “ The fight that won't come off”? WHY HE SHIVERED. [T 1S August 29th, 1903. The horny-handed humorist is toiling busily. He is produc- ing a gay and frivolous lot of jokes about Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's and the cold, cold winter. His pa- tient wife sits near, cheering him on in his task by frequent remarks about the troubles the neighbors have with their serv- ants. Suddenly he drops his pen and shivers, drawing his coat collar up about his neck. “What in the world is the matter ?" asks his wife. “Nothing. I just wrote a Christmas joke. “ Must have had a lot of snow and ice in “Tt wasn’t that. I just happened to think how much money I didn’t have left last Christmas.” A CONSERVATIVE CAMPAIGN. 46VES,” said the ex-candidate, “some of the heelers came to me and told me that I would have to put up a lot of money in order to defray the expenses of exposing the past history of my opponent ; but I just told them that I wouldn't have any mud-slinging done. Of course there were no further demands for cash, and I got off dirt cheap.” STRANGE, INDEED. That editor has sent back another of my poems. | don't think he reads them at all."" ‘Well, it’s funny he doesn't accept some of them, then!" comicbooks.com