Judge, 1903-08-22 · page 3 of 16
Judge — August 22, 1903 — page 3: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"Uncle Ephraim on Better Times"** presents dialect humor, with a character using rural/folk speech patterns to comment on economic conditions—a common format of the era. **"A Failing of History"** depicts a courtroom scene where a prisoner claims to be "an honest, hard-working man" and "a relative of several Tammany leaders." The joke satirizes Tammany Hall (New York's Democratic political machine) and suggests connections to it provided corruption or legal advantage. **"Getting Near the Metropolis"** is a brief geographical joke about New York and Brooklyn. **"An Artist's Secret"** and **"Qualified"** are short humor pieces about social pretension and gender roles. The overall page reflects Judge's focus on urban politics, class satire, and social commentary through caricature and dialect humor typical of that period.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
UNCLE EPHRAIM ON “BETTER TIMES.” ETTAH times a-comin’”? I believe W'en ole Adam lef’ de garden, ‘long wid Eve, An’ w'en Noah lef’ de ark, Dey bofe made de same remark, An’ it’s simply calkerlated ter deceive. “ Bettah timés a-comin’""? How'd yer know? it by de blackbird er de crow? Did dey say no need ter work? Did dey say dey’d neber jerk Up de corn dat's jes’ a.startin’ fer ter grow? “« Bettah times a-comin’"”? Is dat so, Er is it "cause ye'd like ter hev it so? Will de bees make sweeter honey ? Is dere gwine ter be more money? Will de ‘taters come erlong widout de hoe? “ Bettah times a-comin’"? Better b'lieve Dat de bettah times am jes’ erbout ter leave ; ‘An! unless yer grabs ‘em fast Dey am not a-goin’ ter last, An’ yer gwine ter hab occasion fer ter grieve. « Bettah times a-comii Tell yer how, Dere neber wuz no bettah times dan now, Wid de ‘possum crop a-growin’, An’ de corn jes’ nice fer hoein’, An’ de ducks an’ chickens fat'nin’ by de hour. “ Bettah times a.comin’"? Dis am true Wren yer takes aholt an’ makes ‘em come ter you ; But yer got ter do yer best An’ make b'lieve yer ‘spises rest— Now, I tell yer dat’s de only way ter do. ¢. cuxtox. A FAILING OF HISTORY. “« Why is it said that history can’t be written until years after the event?” Cobwigger—“ Because, my boy, if it was written at the time it occurred it would probably be true.” TOO THIN, Prisoner—"* Yer honor, I'm an. honest, hard-workin' man an’ a relative uv several Tammany leaders.”* Ten days for lying! How could you be both?” Wie | | i | HD, GETTING NEAR THE METROPOLIS. Cuicaco MAN—"' Let's see. New Yorxer—“‘ Oh, no. New York is the place you go through on your way to Brooklyn, is it not?” New York is the place that goes through you on your way to Brooklyn.”” | Tame Di ore AN ARTIST'S SECRET. PILE the tray With oyster fry ‘And clam soufilé And custard pie, And ne‘er, you bet, T mix at all The cheese om'let ‘And codfish-ball, But spin the lot In just the style ‘That made the tot ‘And grandad smile When I, a chap In Barnum’s show, Dressed as a Jap, Oh, don’t you know, Tossed knives and things To make you shrick In all three rings For “ten a week. QUALIFIED. De Style—“\ don't think she’s cut out for a society woman.” Gunbusta —"Oh, yes. She's had appendicitis.” comicbooks.com