Judge, 1903-08-22 · page 10 of 16
Judge — August 22, 1903 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects several short humorous pieces mocking various professions and social conventions: **"Only One Talker"** ridicules an aspiring playwright who submitted a script titled "Married Life?" claiming it's a monologue (solo performance) despite requiring two characters. The editor's pedantic correction about the word's definition highlights the author's pretension and incompetence. **"A New Definition"** satirizes newspaper editors' elastic relationship with truth—they equate "accuracy" with fitting news to editorial policy rather than objective fact. The remaining pieces mock: lawyers without cases, a father's embarrassing pride in his daughters' performances (poem "I Love Them Both"), and a policeman's laziness. The final cartoon shows a tiger and vulture discussing an unpalatable meal with a wooden leg—likely dark humor about the vulture's terrible experience rather than commentary on specific events. The overall tone is genteel Victorian satire targeting professional incompetence and social pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Ca RI RTI ONLY ONE TALKER. SUBSCRIPTIONS PAYABLE 66 LTA, HA!” laughs the reader of plays as he glances WiAvante ay.) over the manuscript submitted to him by the aspiring author. “Tam glad you like my little effort,” blushes the author, making a vain attempt to conceal his rapture. “Oh, I hadn't read the thing yet,” is the chilling reply. «I was merely laughing at the absurdity of the idea of calling this a monologue.” ¢ “And why 2” = “Well, for one thing, it has a cast of characters \ SS \ = calling for two people. Now, a monologue is some- \ ne. No PUNKINS! _—— thing that is spoken by one person only. The word ] “4 ae a «monologue * is derived "—— — “It’s your mistake,” interrupts the aspiring author with much dignity. “Will you kindly notice that the title of the manuscript is * Married Life" ?" A NEW DEFINITION. New reporter— But | thought you required accuracy above all things 2” Gily editor— Of course we do; but accuracy, as we understand it, consists in making the news fit the policy of the paper.” Pty mY THE SRUTE. Dottr—"'| told him never to speak to me again.”* Daisy—"" Did he deserve such treatment?” Douty—"' Y-y-yes. H-he b-hasn't!”* ee UPSETTING FINANCE. “A POLICEMAN,” said the observant citizen, “is the laziest man on earth.” “You bet he is!" agreed the listener. * Why, I GRE GeUNee HIS MAND. know a hundred coppers in this town, and if they were “Was your son graduated as a lawyer?” taken off the city pay-roll they wouldn't make a | “Well, he thinks so now. He hasn't had a case yet, you know.” dollar.” ’ Bright visions of heaven- ly choirs appear, MMB) And echoes come from fairy dells Like tinkling notes in silvern bells, Ah, met Around my heart there clings Sweet thoughts of love when Mabel sings. When Sylvia glides in lithesome dance My soul ’s aglow, as in a trance. Like rippling waters on a lake, Fantastic forms her footsteps take ; With rhythmic tread, now fast, now slow, & My heart beats time with heel apd toe. a Confess? I love these’ sweethearts dear— Fair Mabel, with her voice so clear, And winsome Sylvia, as she trips With grace from feet to finger-tips. I love them both, none can deny. NOT PALATABLE. I am their father—that is why. ‘Tue vuLrure—' What's that stuck in your throat?” FREDERICK BOYD STEVENSON. ‘Tue TiceR—" My last meal had a wooden leg, darn him!" comicbooks.com