Judge, 1903-08-15 · page 4 of 16
Judge — August 15, 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces: **"The Kindly Cannibal"** mocks a husband who constantly interferes in his wife's domestic affairs. The wife, exasperated, threatens him with cannibalism if he keeps "putting your finger in my pie"—a metaphorical complaint about his meddling. The satire targets overbearing husbands who won't respect household boundaries. **"Judge's Favorites"** is a poem by Dorothy Dore celebrating theatrical pleasures. **"A Poor Fisherman"** depicts two men at a beach; one warns the other never to fish with a particular lunchhead again, fearing the truth about a failed catch will be revealed—likely satirizing fishermen's notorious tall tales. The remaining sections ("Dead Easy for Him," "His Cash Value," "Giving the Information," "The Commercial Sense") appear to be brief humorous anecdotes about everyday absurdities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘THE KINDLY CANNIBAL. MY DEAR,” said the kindly cannibal to his wife, “I wish you would realize that my business affairs are not within your scope. I don't like this habit of yours of always putting your finger in my pie.” “T want you to understand,” retorted the wife, « that Iam going to exercise every right have. As your wife "— «And I want you to understand,” in- terrupted the cannibal husband with some heat,“ that if you keep on putting your fin- ger in the pie the first thing you know all the rest of you will go into a potpie.” Silenced, the woman returned to her household duties. DEAD EASY FOR HIM. HIS CASH VALUE. 6 AND you found not the slightest dis- ‘They say she married money. comfort in ys il voyage 2” "Tis true to all intents; Jour perrious voyage £ For though he is not wealthy, we asked the man who had recently gone He looks like thirty cents. through the whirlpool rapids in a barrel. “Me?” he chuckled. “Not on your period of years! Evidently you are not aware that Iam a regular patron of the Manhattan +1" roads.” JUDGE'S FAVORITES. DOROTHY DORR. ‘There is a magic in the way You sing and caper round and play ‘That makes the young and ancient gay. They quite forget their daily cares, And also all fate’s grim bugbears, Together with their silver hairs. ‘And so they ever gladly pop . Unto the theatre and drop ‘Their cash, and you are way on top. GIVING THE INFORMATION. #6 AND what,” asked the speaking-tube, “did the old man do when he sat down on the tack his grandson placed on his chair. Here the dumb-waiter jumped violently to the third floor and fell to the bottom of the shaft in the effort to answer. ‘THE COMMERCIAL SENSE. Suburbs— But L tell you I haven't any use for a stable.” Real-estate agent— But, man, this is the only barn in this region, and it is so situated that you can make twice your mortgage-interest by WHY HE COULDN'T SLEEP, having patent-medicine advertisements painted “Scat, there, you pesky catfish! Here it is three o'clock in the morning, and I haven't had a all over it.” wink of sleep."” A POOR FISHERMAN. -t “1'll never go fishing with that lunkhead, Smith, again."* “Didn't catch anything, eh?” “No; and dasn't say | caught anything, for fear that he will tell the truth about {t."* comicbooks.com