Judge, 1903-07-25 · page 4 of 16
Judge — July 25, 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated pieces of early 20th-century humor: **"Judge's Favorites"** (top left) is a poem praising women's universal appeal regardless of appearance or manner—standard sentimental verse. **"His Mistake"** depicts a store clerk misunderstanding a customer's request for "lawn hose," humorously suggesting "rubber lawn hose" instead. The satire targets either absent-minded clerks or potentially the newer rubber products flooding the market. **"Captious Criticism"** mocks theatrical productions with amateur staging and poor color coordination—a common target of Judge's arts criticism. **"The Vacationist's Meditations"** is a romantic essay about mountain solitude and stargazing. **"Might Be Either"** is a domestic joke about whether a vagrant is starving or simply a summer boarder—poking fun at class anxieties during this period. The page is primarily lighthearted social commentary rather than political satire.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HIS MIS- TAKE, 66] WISH to pur- chase some lawn hose,” said the lady shopper. « Yes'm,” murmured the sales- man, _peer- ing over the counter and gazing in- tently at her shoes. “Rub- ber!" she ex- claimed. “ Pardon me,” stam- mered the clerk; “I was not rub- bering. I merely wish- JUDGE'S FAVORITES. Sd. 1 Sethe ANNA PITZHUGH, amare” hike No matter if she pirouettes, no matter if she sings, A Or round the footlights floats as if on airy, golden Size you wings: wore.” No matter if she smiles or weeps in manner wild or Sir-r! I tame, : On this fact all may safely bet—she gets there just the want rubber same. + lawn hose.” Had it not been for the timely aid of the floor-walker the salesman would have sent the lady to the department where they sold rubber stock- ings for huntsmen. For, as he afterward explained, he was new to the business and did not know but there was a new fad for rubber hose to protect the feet from the dews of evening. ALL THAT WAS NECESSARY. CAPTIOUS CRITICISM. Bette—'* How did Percy come to lose his money? HE dramatic critic, having been overlooked when the manager Heten—"* Oh, he simply had it."" of the new production entertained the newspaper men, wrote: “Not only was the play almost colorless, but what color there THE VACATIONIST’S MEDITATIONS. was seemed to have been laid on by amateurs. For instance, the WHILE the shades of twilight were gathering about him he sat at the color scheme in the last act was atrocious. The stage-setting was summit of the mountain, pink, the heroine was green, the audience was blue, most of the Far, far below him stretched the valley, cheery lights showing here lines were not read, and the performance was yellow.” and there through the dusky haze, which was barely being broken by the first rays of the moon. Away on the horizon swept the silver thread of a river. Above, in the illimitable void, the stars were blazing down. There came upon him a sense of solitariness, as if he were the only being who ex- isted in this tremendous uni- verse of stars and sky and spreading valley. And his soul was filled with a great wonder. He wondered who was trying to get his job while he was away on his vacation. TRE other hens cast glances of envy and dislike at Bid- dy Dorkins, the proud Plym- outh rock, when she saunters across the barnyard, clucking serenely. i “ Uppish thing !" sniffs the TRA NR Ls? 7, white leghorn. “The idea of yw, Uh yA bie p <——s= her claiming that her average (74 Yul Dy lary - ae G0 GZ Nay is theee eggs a day Lay?" cackles the Shang- MIGHT BE EITHER. hai pullet; “lay? She ought Susie Mepers—' Ma, there's a man round there says he's starvin’ an’ wants suthin' to eat.”" pee y8 8 Mrs, Meppens—"' Lan’ sakes! wonder if it's a tramp or another one o' Jane Whiffletree's summer boarders?" to say Ti comicbooks.com