Judge — July 25, 1903 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

At THe Parken Buriprs 3, Fourtm Avexux INETERNTH STREET, NEw You. Wasraen Anvennisinc Orrice—S28 Marguette Buiiding, Chicago, Wt unites 8 One copy, one year, or sa numbers. = One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - One copy, for thirteen w TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS: TES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. 2.50 na ane 133 Including the Crmustatas Junk. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal anion, $6.00 a year. Eunoraan satts-acents—/nternational News Company, Bream's building, Chancery Lane, F.C, London ; Brentano's, Avene de t' Opera, Paris: Saarbach's News Exchange, Mains, G The contents of FUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and digorousty prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS must inctose a stamped and self-addressed erfoelope with all manuscripts, otherwise return of the Latter when found unavailable cannot be guaranteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent to the Art Department should have the sender's full name and address written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanying joke or descriptive letter-press should in dbery instance be written upon its indtoidval pictsre, and NOT upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosure of stamps to the full amount of postage is also required, to insure safe and prompt return of material not accepted. ES=]T CAN be said, but it cannot be proved, that the mint-julep adyocate does not care a straw. HE VICE-PRESIDENTIAL BEE is naturally disconsolate at so seldom finding a bonnet that he may call his own. . . ‘THE TIME spent in dreaming over mistakes that cannot be corrected may be money, but it is of the counterfeit variety. tee HE LATEST BRAND of “Scotch” is said to have the power to cause the imbiber to observe a plaid sea-serpent that spits thistles. HEN A KENTUCKIAN is lost in abstraction with a straw in his mouth he is very apt to be dreaming of the julep that is not at the other end eee THE VALUE of a name is all in the point of view. The rose of fashion that would smell as sweet by any other appellation would not fetch so high a price in the open market. %. % 8 IF THE MOUNTAIN-CLIMBER would but climb the mountain of busi- ness with the same caution that he uses in climbing the mountain of nature he would invariably reach the top in less time and with better results. ETWEEN THE AMERICAN who is an American by choice and the American who is an American by chance there is a difference which, to borrow a figure from the late Artemus Ward, is long and wide and deep. It is the difference between the man who heroically struggles to make a fortune and the man who as desperately struggles to marry one. It is usually the difference between a man and a monkey—a man who despises a title, and a monkey whose title is his only capital, but which, under the fire of a legal examination, is invariably found to be decorated and gar- goyled, so to speak, with judgments, mortgages, board-bills, and other delicacies of the season altogether too numerous to mention. When any clear-headed man looks upon the two pictures he cannot fail to differentiate at a glance the solid, substantial fortune-building philanthropist and the simian with the receding intellect. It also gives such an observer a pretty sound idea of the qualities that go to the making of genuine nobility. IF THE POLITICAL GRAFTER had the same eye for the artistic that he has for the dollar-sign he would be universally regarded as a genuine apostle of beauty. When the political grafter is struck violently on the nose he does not see stars—he sees dollar-signs. When he gazes upon a leopard he does not see spots—he sees dollar-signs. The ideal shirt, the shirt of his fancy, is figured with dollar-signs. The firmament, in his dis- eased and distorted vision, sparkles not with stars, but with dollar-signs. When he looks at the capitol that historic edifice radiates a series of heat- waves of dollar-signs that soothes and cheers him, and causes his spirit, such as it is, to thrill with a joy that is gilt-edged and ineffable. The polit- ical grafter’s vision is so generously decorated with dollar-signs that it is as if they were etched upon his eye-balls. Sleeping and awake, he is a dream- er only of financial dreams. It will be a bright day for politics when this hierophant of graft is relegated to the background and nailed down to stay. DAD'S MOTHER-IN-LAW. Orrice-sor—"' Please, sir, could | get off this afternoon? Me grandmother ts dead."" Eurtover—" Huh! Is that a joke?” Orrice-sor—* Well, dad seems ter think so. Yer see, it's me mother’s mother dat croaked.”” comicbooks.com