Judge, 1903-07-04 · page 15 of 16
Judge — July 4, 1903 — page 15: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page features a satirical poem mocking baseball umpires. The piece parodies Omar Khayyam's famous *Rubaiyat* (a philosophical Persian poem), applying its contemplative structure to an umpire's frustrations. The satire targets the impossible position of the umpire: he's criticized regardless of his calls—strike or ball, out or safe, his decisions generate anger from players and crowds. The joke is that even when objectively correct (a player "tagged out / Beyond the slightest shadow of a doubt"), the umpire faces threats and abuse. The final stanza suggests the umpire will even dispute Saint Peter's judgment in the afterlife—a humorous commentary on how the role encourages argumentative confrontation with authority. This reflects early 1900s baseball culture, when umpire authority and crowd behavior were contentious issues. The poem uses elevated literary reference to humorously deflate the umpire's dignity while sympathizing with his thankless job.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
aig eae ii if a you do drink, drink Tr; Swhe ; “ atl ox Nbje » ware ready to sel a good husband and wed @ Green Label. ‘AT ALL FIRST-CLASS DEALERS. | | | i 7 BRASS BAND Instruments, Drums, Uniforms. Lyon EST FLA eam Dos HONEST FLAVOR Feserute mommy crenermn ans eautaataestonenniers ae LYON & HEALY, 15 Adams $t,Chicage. and pertect purity are fouud ip GREAT THE UMPIRE’S RUBAIYAT. A book of rules, a frown, upon my brow, An indicator, a good eye and thou Beside me, shrieking “Lobster, thou art rank Oh, this, methinks, were agony enow. Strange, is it not, that when I call a strike I ‘rouse ‘in every breast sincere dislike ? Yet if I call that self-same curve a ball Lam abused by Tom and Dick and Mike. What boots it though a player be tagged out Beyond the slightest shadow of a doubt? The very instant that T wave my hand, From stand and bleachers comes a threat- ening shout. I sometimes think that when my race is run, When three strikes have been.called, and, all undone, T hear Saint Peter read his riot act, T'll kick on his decision, just for fun. —Milwaukee Sentinel. “Is your son making any progress in college ?" asked the neighbor. “Well,” answered Farmer Corntossel, with some hesitation, “1 dunno as he's doin’ a great deal with his books; but when he gits into trouble he manages to be in company with the boys of some pur- ty prominent men."—IWashington Star. WESTERN oy 0 favor uutll It ts added through the me lum of other liqueurs at the end of the fermenting ma In oie gold medal winner, at the Paris Expo- sition. PLEASANT VAL- LEY WINE CO., Sole Makers, Rheims, N.Y. Sold by all Respectable Wine Dealers. BOA DOTA: Winton—"V ou call his wife ‘auto’ Hinton. down Bowl, HY ; she’s always running people. “Pennsylvania Punch Volumes Rooney a college football game.” A PLETHORA. Rivey—“' Hoz Rafferty many children ?"” “Hoz he? Shure, th’ yells in Rafferty’s house wud remoind ye av Every copy of JUDGE for 1902 ta two volumes, substantially bond ta cloth, with gilt edging, express pre paid anywhere in the United Stateay for $9.00, Send orders promptly. Judge Company 225 FOURTH AVE. NEW YORK “On Every Tongue.” Scientifically distilled; naturally aged; best and safest for all uses. Famous all over the world, and sold by leading dealers every where. BERNHEIM BROS., Distillers, - - Louisville, Ky. % Mother, wohere are the little red. spots you had ‘on your fuce ?* ‘Gone, my darling. Sulphume and Sutphume Soap hate taken them alt ateay."* THE REASON WHY! SULPHUME is achemical solution of Pure Sulphur, and when taken internally and applied asa lotion will cure dandruff or any skin disease; itis also a great hair invigorator. Price $1. SULPHUME SOAP stops itching and all skin irritations, softens and whitens the skin, and has no equal for the toilet or bath. Prices: Perfumed Soap, 25c a cake ; Unperfumed, 15¢ acake. Will mail trial cake upon receipt of price. SULPHUME SHAVING SOAP is the perfection of soaps for shaving. It is a perfect antiseptic, prevents rash breaking out, cures and prevents all contagious skin diseases, gives a creamy lather and is soothing to the skin, SULPHUME LITTLE LIVER PILLS act directly on the liver, kidneys and bowels, but do not gripe or nauseate. Price, 250. SULPHUME BOOK on caro of the skin free. UK oy, Be sure this signa- es ture is on each package of Sulphume Preparations, otherwise it is not genuine. Your druggist can procure Sul- phume Preparations from his jobber, without extra charge to you. SULPHUME CHEMICAL CO., Suito 151, 337 Broadway, New York Lyman Sons & Co., Montreal, Canadian Agents, GOOD INCOMES MADE By selling our celebrated Goods. 25 and 30 per cent. ‘commiasion off. BEST and MOST 3 Qe. ECONOMICAL Alb. trade maark red bags. Good Coffees, 12c. 0. Good Teas, 30¢. at ‘The Great American ce 31-83 Vesey St. New York. P.O. Box 280. You will get more prompt attention and better service | by mentioning Juoce when answering advertisements.