Judge — July 4, 1903 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHISKEY PURITY. Fred—* That rich old uncle of mine is a human sensitive plant. Joe—" Why, how's that 2” Fred— When | attempted to touch him he immediately closed up."— Chicago News. “That dramatic critic was very seri- ous,” said the actor in the long duster. “What did he say 2” asked his partner of the footlights. “ Why, he said in our version of * Ham- let" the skull was not the only dead one,” —Chicago News. ‘THE OLD SUBURBAN FACES. I have had seatmates, I have had com- nions, In the crowded smoker, in the tardy milk- trains ; All, all are gone, the old suburban faces. Ihave been hustling, I have been hurry- ing. Bolting my breakfast food, gulping down my coffee ; Rushing to meet the old suburban faces. T have stood, I have sat down on the coal- box, Reading my paper, grumbling like the others ; Watching them scowl, the old suburban faces. Ghostlike I wander through the crowded coaches, Peering at the strangers that are all about me; Seeking to find the old suburban faces. | Friends and fellow-sufferers, where are ye all? Is this some other planet? Or am I dreaming ? Where have they gone, the old suburban faces? Ah, yes! I see it all. I've missed the dummy, And caught a through train, filled with rank outsiders ! They're on ahead, the old suburban faces ! —Chicago Tribune, | — | Sharpe— Parker invented safest air-ship ever heard of.” Whealton—* But it refused to fly. You couldn't go up on it.” Sharpe—* That's why I say it was the safest." Philadelphia Record. the "30. you |have decided to get another | physician.’ |" "1 have," answered Mrs, Cumrox. |The idea of his prescribing flaxseed tea| and mustard plasters for people as rich as| we are !"— Washington Star. | Visitor—“So you were shipwrecked and came near starving ?” Mariner—* Yes, mum ; and I had to eat a whisk-broom and the sawdust out of a cushion. Visitor —« It must have been a terrible dose.” Mariner—* Not so bad, mum. Yer see, [had been used to eatin’ health-foods.” —Chicago News. DIAMONDS. 25 ¥ al The querist— What do you think of the doctrine of the survival of the fittest?” is tis all right, so far, | Kansas City Journal, “ Skeedicks has named his auto Lilie, after his wife.” Why 2" “don’t know, unless it’s because he expects it to blow him up every once ina while."—Brooklyn Eagle. Knoitt« Well, it ) had been such beautiful and uninterrupted harmony in the organization from the first that each man claimed to be the sole cause of the harmoniousness. Of course they couldn't agree on that point and the thing broke upin a row."—Baltimore American “Some men,” said Uncle Eben, “gitsa heap o' credit foh bein’ good-natured when dey is simply too lazy to look out foh deir rights,"—Philadelphia Press. HER MISTAKE. Maccit—"No, Chimmy: I cannot marry youse. But | will be a sister ter youse, an’ youse kin still take me ter shows.”” Cuimmy—" Oh, I kin, kin 1? Well, ‘Season ter last six sisters a lifetime.”* PUBLISHERS, PRINTERS AND LITHOGRAPHERS say! I've taken youse to ernuff shows dis Have You Seen It? Bugville Life Illustrated by GUS DIRKS For Sale Everywhere 25 Cents Desiring paper of superior excellence and uniformity can secure it of the makers of the papers used in the various publications of THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY. comicbooks.com