Judge, 1903-06-20 · page 6 of 16
Judge — June 20, 1903 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge (American satirical magazine, likely early 1900s) contains multiple short humorous pieces mocking social conventions: **"Summer Girls"** poem celebrates fashionable young women parading through Broadway—flirtatious, well-dressed, with popular dogs and affectations of the era. **"An Opinion"** jokes about servants' candor: a maid dismisses her employer's friend's complexion as artificially rouged. **"At the Track"** satirizes photography hobbyists interfering with horse racing. **"Poor Papa"** ridicules new fathers as social nuisances, staying out late bragging about their babies. **"Grading It"** plays on coal-delivery confusion (egg-coal vs. fish roe). **"To a Golden Girl"** parodies romantic poetry while revealing mercenary motives—the poet wants the woman's money, not love. **"Banks"** jokes that a clergyman-father receiving a wedding fee won't keep it long since the couple will burden him with living expenses. These are typical Judge fare: gentle mockery of contemporary urban life, relationships, and middle-class pretensions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SUMMER GIRLS. ERE they come in droves and flocks O'er the city’s crowded blocks. See them in their cool array Tripping up and down Broadway ; Some with tumbled, golden hair, Some befreckled, others fair ; Eyes of black and eyes of gray, Eyes of brown, that twin Oh, the girls with locks like Oh, the girls with tresses light! Girls with poodles, dachshunds, skyes, Girls with dogs shaved to the eyes. Listen to their merry laugh, Listen to their roguish chaff, Which our rosy fancy whirls— Giggling, gurgling summer girls. MATT AN OPINION. The mistress—“ Don't you think Miss Pink has a beautiful complexion 2" The maid—" Well, ma'am, of course she has roses in her cheeks, but I don’t like artificial flowers.” Crawford—" Why don't you tell your wife the baby is crying 2” Crabshaw—* If 1 did she would sing it to sleep.” “Yes. ™ Mtg: te BZ AT THE TRACK. say, old chap, just lay a bet an Flyaway for the next event, will you?” Why ?"* Jerro.o— Why, | want to take a snap-shot at him with my kedak, and I don't wish him to be golng too fast. POOR PAPA! Does Newleywed’s baby keep him up nights ?"” SENSITIVE. “You seem to be under the weather, Mr. Croaker.”’ I swab {dto a cold wave the other day ad id's gib de a sore throadt.”” GRADING IT. seG ay," said the citizen to the coal-dealer, “ what size coal was that you delivered at my house ?” “ Just what you ordered—small egg-coal.” «Small egg? Say, haven't you made a mis- take and sent me roe?” TO A GOLDEN GIRL, Ath BEAUTEOUS maid, the night is fair to see, And I am sitting in the moonlight’s glare, My feet upon my desk, and thinking e'er Of my Griselda, my affinity. ‘The stars gleam silver in the skies (ah, me! Do not be hard upon the bard, my fair, But pity the lone poet in his lair, And pray forgive this time-worn simile), ‘The stars gleam—I was just about to say-— As they have gleamed and gleamed and gleamed of old, ‘Tis just the hour for glamour and for gush. A soul 's inclined to languish and to pray, And I am thinking, if I had your gold I would not have to live on milk and mush. NATHAN st LEVY. Banks— The officiating clergyman is the bride's father.” Panks—"1 understand that he received a very large fee from the groom.” Banks—" He did ; but it won't last the min- ister very long, as the young couple are going to live with him.” “Lord, yes! He stays out with the boys till two a.m. telling them what the baby says.” comicbooks.com