Judge — June 6, 1903 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED WEEKLY AT THE PARKER BUILDING, YOURTH AVE. AND NINETEENTH 8T., NRW YORK. Westman Avvawrisinc Orrice—$28 Mar- ‘quette Building, Chicage, I Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. & jorgamumbers se (One copy, for thirteen weeks” et ie Inclading the Cusistsas Junce. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 9 year. Eunorean sates-acents—/ntermational never company, Bream’s building, Chancery lane, EC, London. Brentand's, avenue det Opera, Paris; Saarbach's news exchange, Mains, $3.00 2.90 in both the United State: vigorously prosecuted. CONTRIBUTORS aust inclos self-addressed envelope with all manuscripts, otherwise return of the latter when found unavailable cannot be guarasteed. DRAWINGS and all contributions sent fo the Art ve the sender's fall iy on each and e 19 joke or descriptive lel Id in every instance be written up 1 its indi upon a separate slip of pay to the full amount of to insure safe and prompt return of mater 4. 1 Great Britais, Intringeme Some unkind critic has had the temerity to say that Grover Cleveland is the Peter Parley of his party. eee N THE bright lexicon of the man who is asked if he would accept the presidential nom- ination there is no such word as no. eee THE presidential attitude of that ancient fox, euphe- mistically known as D. B. Hill, may be said to be figura- tively, if not literal- ly, a silence within g in a silence. " cee THE Democratic party, having had two strokes of | & Pail WWE paralysis in Bryan, |) fk ect is naturally, to Ye NWhi UY dodge a third and z final stroke, keep- ing its eye on the six-chinned_philos- opher of Princeton. cee THE graceful and ‘ LA dainty political ; orator who belongs to the word-painter class is usually so fine a combination of color-hurler and impressionist that his hearers, though rapt and beside themselves with ex- citement, cannot for their precious lives quite make up their sorely-puzzled minds as to whether he is sky-high over their heads as an artist or if they are simply word- blind and color-deaf. give credit.” THE FIGHTING PROPENSITY of ball-players on the field does not indicate the fact that they fight for the sake of fighting. It means that they strive for victory, and therefore take an interest in their business that is anything but common among the knights of the ledger and yard-stick, who work for their salaries only. Probably the ball-players fancy that if they pursue a dignified course on the diamond it will be interpreted by their club-managers as apathy and indifference, and result in their being re- placed by women, who could be relied upon to evince a lively interest by opposing the umpire with arguments at once tempestuous and ornate, un- less gagged. The kicker, as he is familiarly called, evidently regards the game from the point of view that is a combination of self-protection and financial solidity. Therefore his professed love of fighting and wrangling, which is done that his children may have shoes and corned beef, is no worse Qy A QUICK FINISH. Crotty—" Mr. Bellinger, | have called to ask you for your daughter's hand. She is a credit to her sex." Mr. BeLtincer (late of Sioux Falls)—"' Say, young feller! you might as well understand now that I never than that of the lusty member of the stock-exchange, whose yawping is but the means to a similar end. ‘ THE JEW has been having a pretty hard time of it lately in Russia, a country that has always been noted for its extreme cruelty and unique barbarism. The Russian wolf is in spirit a brother of the czar, although it is not at all complimentary to the lupine quadruped to make such a com- parison. There is a limit to the wolf's appetite—he knows when he is satiated as well as he knows what constitutes a feast. He does not kill for mere pleasure or to gratify a fiendish whim, or from motives of hatred, pure and simple. And when this is said the argument is pretty conclusively proved that the czar outwolfs the Russian wolf rampant on his native heath and snowdrift. It seems strange that any self-respecting, level- headed Jew should ever consider Russia as a fit land in which to live when these United States are lying around loose with upen doors, on whose mats the word welcome is deeply blazoned. If they have the vim and fighting quality of their ancient brethren they should gather themselves together and gird up their loins and lay their enemies out cold, and do their utmost to crush the Russian bear and reduce him to the vaseline cocktails of the realm—the national beverage that warms but never inebriates. THE UNITED STATES has so long been a common dumping-ground for the slums of other countries that many Americans have become so familiar with the fact that they have practically ceased to regard the mat- ter seriously. We may now be said to live in the picturesque enjoyment of the finest assortment of thieves and cutthroats extant—an assortment beside which our red men are paragons of refinement and culture, not to say honesty of purpose and intention. That these foreign scions of ignobility have a value in the concrete when considered as fertilizer cannot be gain- said. But the agricultural point of view is sadly dimmed by the fact that these members of HHT , q the bomb-throwing | | i contingent arrive il and seem to have | | the to them happy HI I faculty of staying iH alive. If human b rats are at a pre- mium, this country can congratulate it- self upon being a veritable El Dora- do, as it now has a collection drifting about at large that cannot be equaled for all-round good- for-nothingness by the inmates of all ) our state - prisons combined. It does not look as if they are ever going to be of any good to the country, and it isa great pity that they cannot be deported, like so many coo- lies. If there is no law by which they may be reached, it would not be a bad idea to form a vig- ilance-committee, whose business it would be, not to maim or destroy them, but to drive them out of the country with soap and water, such as is used to kill bugs on plants—a combination against which they would never stand unless chained. THE LILACS now are bobbing in the zephyr That fans the horsefly off the brindled bullock, And down the street Susanna and Myrtilla Go gayly forth in quest of that great beaker That in their lexicon ’s an ice-cream soda. The straw hat is on deck, and eke the shirt-waist; The weather ’s waxing hot; and while the billow Is breaking on the shore in sad, sweet music, And through the straw, in juicy joy, the julep Unto our weary soul itself annexes, We count the days unto our brief vacation, And stand upon our head in rosy rapture And kick and shout and think we own Olympus, comicbooks.com