Judge — May 30, 1903 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

age PUBLISHED WEEELY AT THE PARKER BUILDING, FOURTH AVE. AND NINETEENTH sr., xEW TORK. Wastexn Avverrisinc Orrice—$28 Mar- quette Building, Chicago, lit. Terms to Subscribers. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year, or sanumbers= = = te Ons corhiae Comba eb members =o = One copy, for thirteen weeks sew including the Crnestmas Jopce FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To all foreign countries in the postal union, $6.00 a'year. Burorean satss-Acorrs— ional mew , Bream’s building, ane, Oita MGrestend nr corns de F Operas Parkes hasrbeci's mre ticheage, Matas, Germany. The contents of JUDGE are protected by copyright Infringement of this copyright will be promptly CONTRIBUTORS must inclose a stamped and se ‘otherwise reture of the latter when found wnavailable DRAWINGS and all ceatribetions ame and address written plainly on each and every separate sketch. The accompanyiag joke of scriptive letter-press should in every instance be written vpos its individual picture, and NOT 1 separate slip of paper. nclosure of stamps to the full amouat of postage ls also required. fo lasare safe and prompt return of waterial not accepted. the United States and Great Britals. EVER stare a gift automobile in the tooter. WE NEVER get things backward when we put the automobile before the horse. ‘THE AUTOMOBILE has not yet side-tracked the horseshoe as an emblem of good luck. ‘THE LATEST variation of an old saying now reads, “That is an automobile of another color.”” see THE LATEST WAY of giving one an intelligent idea of the absolute worthlessness of another is to say that he is as useless as would be a fifth wheel to an automobile. eee [T TRIES, even if it does not fracture, the patience of the most philosophic chauffeur, when he is whirling through the dust like a mad, untamed thing, to have a horse-fly alight on his nose. JH, GASOLINE! oh, gasoline! You fill the chauffeur’s soul with song. 'Tis Ara-bee The blest that he Knows when you send him swift along. Oh, gasoline! oh, gasoline! You pant and puff in manner bold, And push the red Machine ahead And knock the grim mosquito cold. IN THE SUBMARINE AUTO. Miss Sarpive—"* How am | ever to get Into that car with my new hat?" [UNCLE SAM understands the subtle art of picking winners as no other man knows it. He has had a long and varied experience in this im- portant field, and to prove that he is a magician worthy of the name and all that it implies it is only necessary to point to the gilt-edged fact that he owns and lives on the crest of the wave of happiness as a result of his selections. He now takes an occasional spin on his automobile of pros- perity, to see how the crops are coming along and what the factories are doing, and he displays sound judgment and rare good sense in selecting Mr. Roosevelt as his chauffeur; for the president not only never meets with an accident, but always breaks the record into smithereens as regards time. Uncle Sam well knows that Roosevelt on an autompbile is a repeti- tion in spirit and general all-round get-thereness of Grant on a horse and Dewey lashed to the mast; and, knowing this, he is naturally happy and wears a broad grin that may be regarded as the index of a soul overflow- ing with joy and satisfaction. It may be said without fear of contradiction that Uncle Sam has picked the present incumbent of the white-house to win in 1904. Apis [7 WAS an extra large feather, and of the finest quality, in the cap of the Pennsylvania supreme court when that august body decided that the hands of the labor union should be kept off the citizen-soldier. Uncle Sam’s citizen-soldiers do not fight for the kind of union that would close his factories and paralyze his industries. They fight for the union that they have so far helped to preserve, and which they will go right on pre- serving despite the tactics of the labor combinations, whose best efforts are in tearing down and not in building up. Voracity, and not veracity, is the motto of this army of soreheads, which it always has been and always will be. Their object unsublime has always been to rule or ruin, and when they flagrantly overstepped the bounds of decency a halt was called, and they learned the valuable lesson that they can do neither. It is to be de- voutly wished that the lesson may do them lasting good and cause the scales to fall from their eyes, and at the same time fill them to over- flowing with the imperial nickel-plated fact that the American citizen-sol- dier, backed, as he is, hy an American court, is a fighting proposition that will easily prevail against any howling. fire-eyed horde of anarchists that has the insolence to associate itself with and declare war under the honor- able and everlasting flag of labor. i SUGGESTIONS TO AUTOMOBILE MANUFACTURERS. “A car for the soclety youth whose main object in life Is eating and giving “swell” dinners, And one for politicians, with a saloon connection, for use in the heat of campaigns, comicbooks.com