Judge — May 9, 1903 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘THE PLODDER. A little bit 0° trouble An’ a little bit 0" son From springtime 'r The world jes’ jo} to winter S along A snowstorm in November And a blossom in the May; World jes’ goes ahead an’ does Its duty day by day. So I shall nét bemoan my lot, ‘Though humble it may be. Is good enough for me. —Washington Star. of champagnes. is an exception. married? nounced, so the young woman replied, “Why, I don’t know, auntie; even engaged. that gzmel but that suttinly am a pity. “But, Miss Nancy, they do say that ofe is the happiest critters there is, once they quits strugglin’.""—Harper's Magazine. ‘The Sohmer Piano has always maintained a leading position, and to-day it has few equals, and no superiors, The Sohmer can rest upon its merits and win every time. “That man your automobile bowled over says he has the number of your ma- chin “What did he say it was?" “Sixty-six “It's “ninety-nine. He was standing on his head at the time he saw it. Cleveland Plain Dealer. is pure, mild, invigorating and antiseptic. It soothes while cleansing, and for more than a quarter of a century has been The Standard For the Hair and Skin ‘The Packer Mfg. Co., 81-83 Fulton St., New York. What's good enough for this old earth Purity is not often found in the preparation Cook's Imperial Extra Dry “Honey, when 's you gwine ter git The engagement had not been an- 1am not What do you think of The old colored woman said, ‘ Laws- | ™4! maids Packer’s | Tar Soap thing marvelous. | used Postum my troubles have disappeared and Fohnny (aged cight)—"When I was two years old and my big’ brother wa six, was he three times as old as 1?" Teacher—" Yes.” Fohnny—" And when I was four and he was eight, was he twice as old as 1?” Teacher—" Certainly. Johnny —" And now I'm cight and he's twelve, is he only once and a half as old am asl Why?” Teacher—" Yes. Fohnny—" Well, how long will it take mé to catch up to him?"—Philadelphia Press. A health-giver and a health-preserver—Ab- bott’s, the Original Angostura Bitters. At druggists’. “Why did the le turn against that divine healer who had such following down here a year or two a “It was a case of hard luck with him. He had a little accident with some kero- ne and lost his long white wniskers.""— Chicago Record-Hera Young Shortun— arpy your daughter. Young man, my daugh- ter will continue to abide beneath the parental roof.” Young Shortun—"Oh, thank you, sir! I was afraid we would have to occupy a flat.""—Chicago News. ir, I—er—wish to “When you have money.” says the Manayunk en hilosopher, “there are men who will shake you effusively by the hand, and when it's gone they will shake you altogether.""—Philadelphia Record. IN CONVENTION TEACHERS LEARN SOMETHING NOT IN THE CLASS BOOKS. A number of young women attending a teachers’ convention at Oklahoma City some time ago learned a valuable lesson in hygiene through a sister teacher who says: “About a year ago Thad my first attack of poor health and it seemed a terrible thing to me, for I had always been so well and strong. My stomach distressed me terribly ; it seemed like it was raw, especially after breakfast, and it would burn and hurt me so I could not rest. I was soon convinced that it was caused by coffee drinking and at the request of a friend I gave up coffee and began to use Postum Coffee. “The change in my condition was some- T had actually given up teaching because doctors were unable to help |, my stomach trouble, but since I quit coffee and Thave gone to teaching again. “Some time ago I attended a convention at Oklahoma City and determined to have Postum at my boarding-house where there were eight other teachers, four of them suffering from coffee sickness. My landlady did not make the Postum right but I showed her how and we W¥ BARKER CO. TROY,NY. LINEN BUY THEM. SEND FOR OUR ILLUSTRATED PAMPHLET. It will teach you many things that everyone should. know about MINERAL WATERS. RL H. SCHULTZ, Connection. 430-444 First Av. os ROMEIKE?S fr cama, tev ger bjt Tia oa gaat ote" tana Unit at ta Epope sare Paras lor is searched. ‘wo nouces, Hiwny Romance, t10 Fifth Aves all found it delicious. We all drank it the rest of the time we were there and the young ladies in question felt much better and declared that their heads were much clearer for study and their general health much improved. I have their names if you care for them.” Names furnished by Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich. Major Bourbon—"1 really don't know, suh, how old this whiskey is, cllah for twenty yeahs, but" —— lonel Kaintuck—""Mah land, majah! | how did that happen, suh? lay it?” —Philade The drink you offer your friend will be thrice welcomed if renowned Angostura every sideboard. “Why, there isn't enough room in this flat to swing a cat,” temptuously. ‘hat needn't bother you,” replied cats here. Mr. Ardhuppe see what brands of wine’ we h house?" Fames—" W" dinky little botties wot you done bought atde grocet —Chicago | Whene'er you stoop to flattery And hear the maiden say— “Oh, flatterer!" you ienow that she Means “Keep it w it ups | , “The publishers told Arthur that he | would have to re-write a good portion of | his book before they could bring it out.”” pray. “Humph! I should think they would —Washdngton Star, |have him re-write some of the t - tions.""—Kansas City Journal, Had it i| Visitor—"Oh, what a you've got! Pretty Pollp! a cracker?" Parrot—Oh, come off! I'm not as green as I look.""—Chicago Tribune. nice parrot Polly want Did yo" mis- lelphia Press. wored with Dr. Siegert’s world- ters. Indispensable on Beware of imitations. said the man con- promptly the janitor. “We don't allow '—Philadel phia Press Now, James, will you ave in the | we on'y got dem three | Buy Hiernone, sah; dass all!"’ TER MOTOR FAN You don’t have to be a connoisseur to see that EVANS ALE is the best in the world. The proof is in every bottle. ‘Can be connected with “any, spigot SO er attached to ‘annoyance. sick Foom gal : d PRICE, COMPLETE, $1.50 AGENTS WAXTRD: DELAWABE RUBBER CO., Dept. 7s, G31 Market Street, Fhila., Pa Because of their construction PRESIDENT SUSPENDERS . Edgarton Mit Consult your dealer. LL, Shirley she Stern parent— Have you the means to support my daughter in the way to which s been accustomed? Sis bets Not at present, but I have expectations.” Stern natcly, I'm not nearly so well off as people think."—Boston Transcript. Rend ée. for Catalogve I'll admit; arent—"I know; but, unfortu- The Cheapest and Most Delightful The United Fruit Company's elegant twin-screw “ Admiral” without stop, every Wednesday and Friday. Round trip tickets, $60.00, including meals and stateroom berths. total of 3,176 miles, Excursion in America. steamers sail from Boston for Jamaica Jamaica is 1,588 miles from Boston, or a It takes about five days each “What are your rates?” queried hotel. proprietor. “Can't you make a reduction? robber." “What has that to do with it?” nized the profession.""—Chicago News. bold man, as he entered the health resort “Ten dollars per day,” responded the I'ma “Why, I thought perhaps you reco way, or nearly ten days on shipboard. the berths included. There is no lovelier voyage than on the golden Caribbean, among the historic islands where Columbus first landed, and to one of the most enchanting and delighttul |spots on earth. World-wide Marriage is a hitching-po: in the PENN MUTUAL LIFE, g21-3-5 Chestnut St., Philadelphia. Before tying up secure a policy |travelers all agree in calling Jamaica the “Ideal land of rest.” Ella Wheeler - Wilcox says it is a “Lost Paradise.” st. Wharf, Boston. This is at a cost of less than two cents per mile, with meals and For free illustrated booklet, « Tropical Holiday,” address United Fruit Co., Long EASY MONEY or Newsdealers, responsible For Barbers; Cigar Address Chas. Johnson, P.O.B. 897, Chicago Great opportuniie offered” "Hook ex planing about the GINSENG free. Send for it. jubilantly PB MILLS, es aie NC, | has ‘gon “Spring has come!” cried the iceman & 2: ighed the coalman, “Winter —Newark News. ‘‘LAKE SHORE LIMITED”’: = Leaves New York 5.30 every afternoon via NEW YORK CENTRAL. go 4.30 next afternoon via LAKE SHORE. rrives Chic: comicbooks.com