Judge, 1903-05-02 · page 7 of 16
Judge — May 2, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains several satirical pieces mocking spring season clichés and human nature: **"Signs of the Season"** humorously catalogs spring's arrival through urban noise—street vendors, cat fights—rather than romantic signals. **"What He Lost"** jokes about Shakespeare's regret: earning "a dollar a word" now versus historical rates. It's wordplay satirizing how payment standards have (supposedly) improved. **"Fable of the Two Girls"** inverts Cinderella-type morality: the girl whose speech produces reptiles becomes rich (dime-museum attraction), while the virtuous girl producing jewels gets exploited by a monopolistic "trust"—sharp Gilded Age satire about how capitalism rewards spectacle over virtue, and how trusts destroy individuals. **"Spring Song"** parodies romantic spring poetry by contradicting each flowery line with mundane reality (beautiful breeze/actually a gale; green grass/covered in snow). The page generally satirizes empty sentimentality, commercialism, and the gap between idealized versus actual experience in turn-of-the-century America.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SIGNS OF THE SEASON. HERE'S something that tells me what moon is here Without hunting signals to see ‘What's come up the cuast or what glides down the pike, Or consulting my dear old m.d. T reckon, when lying awake in the night, A-waiting for slumber to bring Surcease with an ‘‘s” that’s as long as a snake, That the season on deck must be spring. BECAUSE L hear the old voices on sidewalk and street, ‘And I hear in a friendship in- tense ‘The peddler and huckster and grass-cutter greet The old tom.cat that yawps on the fence. [F WE could only deceive others as easily as we deceive ourselves, what great reputations we would have! “ WHAT HE LOST. GHAKESPEARE was reading the latest news. “He-e’s a fellow getting a dollar a word !" he exclaimed. “Too bad !" returned Johnson, «Just think what I'd have gotten at that rate." Determined to have the last word any way, he returned to his dictionary. FABLE OF THE TWO GIRLS. NCE there was a little girl who was always saying naughty things, and a wise fairy cast an enchantment upon her, so that each time she spoke noxious lizards, snakes, toads and other reptiles seemed to leap from her mouth. And there was another little girl who was always saying nice things, and the same wise fairy so wove her spells that diamonds and rubies and money fell from this girl’s mouth when she would talk, And what became of these girls? The first one was engaged by an astute dime- museum manager and became fabulously rich. The second one was gobbled up by a trust that made her talk her- self to death, THE REAL THING. “Has your oll-company many ‘ gushers'?”" “Well, say! we've got a couple of ‘dandies ‘—wrlting advertisements for us."* tu HOW SHE MANAGES IT. * Jack and | are going to Hot Springs.”” * How do you manage it? I cannot get Tom to go anywhere."* “Very simple. I just say mother 's coming and he'll travel any distance. ~ SPRING SONG. pring, the spring, t (That's good for 3 be Ddeauteous spring ie 's especially winning). the trees, the leafy trees even a bud is showing) ; The breeze, the breeze, the balmy breeze (A beastly gale is blowing), ‘The birds, the birds, the m: ove! I'm a born roma The herds, the herds, the (Old Casey's goat must flowers, the fragrant flowers 'n your soul and body), The showers, the showers, the gentle showers (Mud, slush, quinine and toddy). ‘The grass, the grass, the green, green grass (A fout of snow lies on it). A lass, a lass, a bonny lass (She'd freeze in a sun-bonnet)— “Tis hopeless thing! Afar I My pen and ink—I mean it. Why try to sing the beauteous spring When one has not yet seen it? TRUMAN ROBERTS ANDREWS. LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM. CuameLeon Lover—"" Ah, my darling! what a beautiful green you blush” comicbooks.com