Judge, 1903-04-04 · page 7 of 16
Judge — April 4, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical humor pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"Renunciation"** mocks a woman's hollow Lenten promises—she claims she'll renounce pleasures, but when asked what she's giving up, pauses, then admits she's only surrendering things she doesn't actually care about. The boyfriend cynically concludes she's willing to give up him, since that apparently qualifies as genuine sacrifice. **"Just So"** is a simple pun: a boy asks his professor father about "the bone of contention," and receives the literal answer "jaw-bone." **"His Qualifications"** satirizes a poet's lack of marketable skills—an editor rejects his work, saying a good plumber was "spoiled" when he became a poet. **"A Man of Ideas"** praises a transit manager for solving women's complaints about holding straps by decorating them with ribbons matching fashionable hat colors—reducing practical concerns to vanity. The remaining pieces offer workplace humor and economic satire typical of the era's light comedy.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
RENUNCIATION, 0 GLADYS fair I said to-day + Sad Lententide’s not fa dear; I'm sure you'll give up many things. Pray tell me what they are, dear. “Oh, yes, indeed !" she smiled at me, ‘And lifted her long lashes. + I'm going in for fast and prayer, For sackcloth and for ashes. #T shall renounce all foolish songs, The latest waltz and measure ; I'm going to give up bon-bors, too, And every bit of pleasure. «+ I'm going to give up "—here she paused. ++ Well, there’s no need to parley. T think my mind 's about made up To give you up, too, Charle: Oh, that’s not fair! broke. But Gladys answered, “Clearly, You don't quite sce. I'm giving up Just things I love most dearly. JUST SO. I cried, heart- Little Elmer—* Papa, what is the bone of contention ?” Professor Broadhead—" The jaw-bone, my son.” A MATTER OF TASTE. Eprron— Porr— HIS QUALIFICATIONS. How much did you say you wanted for this poem ?"* Fifty dollars.”* Eorror—"* Well, a good plumber was spoiled when you became a poet.” Tue suarx—" Come on, come on! That organ-grinder sets my teeth on edge * ‘Tue saw-risn—" Hold ona minute. That's just what I like about it.” A MAN OF IDEAS. 46] MUST compliment you,” said the street- railway magnate to his new manager, “over the fact that since you took charge there have been no complaints from the women over having to hang to straps in our cars. How did you overcome their prejudices ?” Simply had the old straps. decorated and fixed up a little with rosettes of narrow ribbon in the prevailing shades and varied them sufficiently that each woman could grab a strap that matched her hat.” Detective—“ Was the cash- ier disguised when he disap- peared with the funds ?” Bank official —“Yes; it seems that his wife had just cut his hait Pere Persiumons—" Huh! A FAITH-SHATTERER. Mose _Meppers— Ah saw de ghost ob ole man Jackson las’ night, an’ he started ter tell me a fish-story.”” ‘An’ yo! still beliebe In ghosts ?"* ECONOMICAL EBENEZER. se LUSBAND,”" requests Abigail Gottit, «wish you would give me ten dollars. “Ten dollars? What on earth do you want with so much money ? “Oh, I just want it for pin-mone: “Huh! Pins are too wasteful shiftless, besides,” asserts Ebenezer Gottit with a grin.“ Here's a nickel—get a spool of thread.” and they are A SUBMARINE PROPHECY. . sir.” says the merman, watching the evolutions of the submarine boat; «our methods of transportation are steadily undergo- ing improvement. Look at this latest invention, the watermobile. I don't mind being put on rec- ord as saying that in two years’ time the sea-horse will be worthless, except as a curiosity.” BAD BUSINESS POLICY. Quickluncher (mouth full)—* Wha'd_ they pud thad man oud for?” Nicklin (mouth full also)—* Said the dishes weren'd clead.” Quickluncher— Oughd n'd do that first time he's beed id here. Likely’d discourage hib.” comicbooks.com