Judge — April 4, 1903 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT THE MINSTRELS’. 46] MET you at precisely eleven-fifty-nine o'clock last night,” said Mr. Rattlin Bones to Mr. Putton Corke, the eminent interlocutor. You say you met me at precisely eleven - fifty-nine o'clock last night?” repeated Mr. Putton Corke. “And what of that, sir?” “ Nothing particular,” an- swered Mr. Rattlin Bones. Some few misguided peo- ple in the audience started ap- plauding immediately, but they: were silenced by a wave of the hand from the interlocutor. “ Nothing particular,” said Mr. Rattlin Bones, rolling his eyes and doing a little fancy step. “Only it made me think of something.” “Ah!” commented Mr. Putton Corke. “ Nothing par- ticular—only it made you think of something? And what was that, may I inquire 2” “A conundrum,” asserted Mr. Rattlin Bones. Here a man in the gallery was unable longer to restrain his hilarity and had to be car- ried to the lobby, where a phy- sician applied restoratives. “It made you think of a conundrum 2” asked Mr. Put- ton Corke when quiet had been restored. And what was the nature of the conundrum ?* “It was this: Why was my meeting you at eleven-fifty- nine last night like the stomach of Sir Henry Irving ?” A NOTION. “* Dudely has water on the brain,” Has he? Poor fellow!"* “Yes. He just told me he had an ocean in his head."* Wild whoops of appreciation greeted this, but the whoopers felt some chagrin when the interlocutor again gave that deprecatory wave of his hapd and convinced them that HOW IT HAPPENED. — How did Ferdy ‘ go broke *?” Fe wouldn't go broke, and he had to ReCeSsary, before the Eres. Eorm—"'It was his auto, fo broke repairing it."" they had unpent too soon. “Well, sir,” he said to Mr. Rattlin Bones, “and why did your meet- ing me at eleven-fifty- nine o'clock last night remind you of a conun- drum which is, Why was your meeting me at eleven-fifty-nine o'clock last night like the stom- ach of Sir Henry Irv- ing 2” « Because,” said Mr. Rattlin Bones, while the audience hung on to the seats in attitudes of great tension ; * because it was almost midnight.” Although the orches- tra immediately started in on the opening bars of the popular Jimmy Clogg’s song, “No nig- ger kin make me jump de fence,” the torrent of applause which followed drowned completely the strains from the instru- ments. In fact, it was show could proceed, for Mr. Rattlin Bones to arise and bow and do a“ break,” which terminated in a fake fall, ac- companied by a terrific whack on the bass-drum. A REPORT. Friend —*Find much progress in the south 2” Returned tourist —“ Oh, yes. Why, in Georgia, for in- stance, the crackers are becom- ing crackerjacks.” WANTED TO BE HAPPY. Ss NOW. Johnny,” said the mother of the young hostess to the little-boy guest, “Twant you to feel perfectly at home.” “Huh !" growled Johnny. “1 don’t want to feel at home ; I want to have a good tim THEIR FIRST PUNISH- MENT. SOYVJHAT are you doing, Ww Charon?” asked one of the shades who were loafing on the landing-pier at the Styxian-ferry terminal. “I'm rigging up a lot of straps on a rail over the centre of my boat,” explained Charon. “It’s a new wrinkle we've in- vented for the benefit of street- railway barons who do not run sufficient cars to accommodate their patronage. We'll make “em hang on to these straps for fifteen round trips before we let ‘em off the boat, and I'm going to stand close to’em and holler * Fare!’ right in their ears about every two seconds.” A-POINT IN FAVOR. Tirep THourson—"‘ So you are iff favor uv de army- canteen"? Frozen Srirr—"‘Every time! If yer slip a canteen It won't break, like an ordinary bottl fall on comicbooks.com