Judge, 1903-03-28 · page 7 of 16
Judge — March 28, 1903 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects humorous short pieces typical of early 20th-century American satirical magazines: **"Boy's Ode to Spring"** is nostalgic verse about childhood pleasures—marbles, tin cans for fishing worms—marking spring's arrival. **"His Eccentricity"** jokes about a man named Cranksmith who mildly scandalizes society by minding his own business instead of gossiping—satire of busybodies. **"Among the Mermaids"** makes a fashion pun: mermaids rush to department stores for the new "rainy-day tail." **"A Dire and Dark Threat"** and **"Action"** feature stereotypical African American dialect humor (common but offensive by modern standards), depicting courtship drama and a lawyer pursuing legal cases and wives simultaneously. **"Unavailable"** offers a remedial joke: asked about treating dog bites with hair of the dog, a man says he can't—the dog was hairless. **"A Soft Answer"** plays on coal types: an artist hides anthracite in his sofa; a visitor suggests soft coal instead. The page reflects period humor conventions, including heavy reliance on ethnic caricature.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
BOY’S ODE TO SPRING. IGHTY glad it's gettin’ spring, "Cause, when spring comes round, Feller needn't be afraid Sittin’ on the ground ; Nor afraid of takin’ cold Ever'time he shoots fer keeps When he's playin’ marbles bold. Seemed like spring “d never come, An’ that ground-hog tale Didn't sera ter work this year— All signs seemed ter fail. It takes tops an’ circus-ri Pictures, an’ school be Fer a real, sure-'nuff spring. Then, when you stay out all day, An’ you feel that tired Feelin’, then that's a sure sign Winter has been fired. When the other fellers bring Out tin-cans fer worms, That's a dead-sure sign of spring. So with poct-men I sing When the bugs are on th « Come, ethereal mildness Out the winter fer the spri ng. Ring HIS ECCENTRICITY. 66 CRANKSMITH is a very eccen- tric person, isn’t he?" “Yes; so I have observed.” “ But did you ever notice the queerest of all his pecul- iar traits? When he sees something that is none of his business he invariably acts just as if it was none of his business and quietly goes on about his business.” AMONG THE MERMAIDS. soy are all the girls rushing to the department-store to-day ?" *¢MELINDY JOHNSING,” asked the merman of the merpoliceman. “Somebody down there is giving a demonstration of a new fash- *'Liphalet Snowball,” whispered the dusky charmer, ** ‘deed I jes’ ion called the rainy-day tail." UNAVAILABLE. * Wot's good fer a dog-bite?” it a hair uv de dog dat bit yer an’ "—— Fravep Faoin—“'l ain't gota chance. Dis wuz a Mexican hairless dog.” Fravep Facin: Sunny Beaw- ACTION. Is yer son still engaged In the pursoot o' law?"* ope. ‘The last I heerd 0° Dave the law an’ half a dozen wives wuz Uncve Craus Pry Lawver PLuur- pursooin’ him.” A DIRE AND DARK THREAT. sighed the amorous swain, “is yo' all gwine ter marry me? doesn’ know whethah I p'fuhs yo’ all or Mistah Gawge Washumton White, who suttinly has. bin pesticatin’ me wid his love in a mos’ magniferous mannah,” “ Hahtless woman !" hissed Eliphalet Snowball. “ Yo" is de mos’ owdaciously flirtatious female in Souf Ca'lina, Listen! Ef yo' p'sists in ‘fusin’ me I is gwine ter seek a separashun fum de trials an’ tribbylashuns ob dis world—I sho! will.” “ Whut'll yo" all do, Mistah Snowball 2” “Whut'll [do? W'y, wo- man! I'll jes’ go an’ git de job ob pos'mastehin fo' dis town— dat's whut I'll do!” SPRING. |OW within the crowded car Enters Spring so sweet ; Hoary Winter rises up, Giving her his seat. A SOFT ANSWER. Artist (proudly) — «I've got my anthracite where the jevitor can’t get at it—in that sofa you're sitting on.’ Uncomfortable visitor (timidly) —"I should think you'd use soft coal.” comicbooks.com