Judge, 1903-01-31 · page 4 of 16
Judge — January 31, 1903 — page 4: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical pieces typical of early 20th-century humor magazines: **"The Constitution at Fault"** section mocks reformers debating constitutional amendments to address social problems like prize-fighting, with one reformer questioning whether the Constitution guarantees free speech—suggesting the debate was frivolous or incomplete. **"A Practical Benefit"** satirizes dubious advertising claims in magazines, where a physical culture instructor promises miraculous digestive benefits from ten-minute daily routines. The remaining sketches appear to be generic domestic humor: a wife's confusion about her husband's earnings and coal delivery, and a son becoming a library janitor rather than pursuing "literature." The page functions as social satire targeting advertising fraud, constitutional debates, and middle-class pretensions—not specific political figures or events.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUDGE'S FAVORITES MEMAY KENNEDY IN THE ‘SULTAN OF SULU." When you frolic in the bright Flood of the electric light We espy a lily gay In some fragrant garden way ‘That within the pearly beams Of the full moon dreams and dreams, And we're certain that the white Rose and red you get each night Are not half so blooming sweet, ‘Though their beauty s quite complete, As the lily we espy When you caper on the fly. A PRACTICAL BENEFIT. aoa | HAVE a new idea to use in advertising our physical culture,” remarked the nervous, pale-faced individual who taught physical culture by correspondence only. “ What is that ?” inquired the book-keeper. “Well, I shall place an ad. in each of the leading monthlies, guaranteeing that ten minutes devoted to my system just before retiring will en- able any man to digest any breakfast-food adver- tised in the magazine.” NiZ2ebea; WOT. 66 NAY,” quoth the first ‘squire, who had come up to the great city to see the sights, “I wot not of these light-fingered gen- try ‘gainst whom you warn me.” « Best be wary,” quoth the second ‘squire, “tor well I wot that they be everywhere and most daring withal.” Soon Dick the dip and Luke the lifter met on the outskirts: of the crowd. “Got'st thou aught of those two loons gainst whom thou squeezed ?" asked Luke the lifter. . “Ay, marry, that did I,” was the answer. “See, here is a diamond of the second wotter.” THE CONSTITUTION AT FAULT. 44] TELL you,” said the first reformer, we ought to start an agitation to curb the prize-tighting evil by means of a constitutional amendment.” « But,” objects the second reformer,“ that would react upon all of us: “In what way ?" “Doesn't the constitution guarantee the right of free speech ?” BOUGHT HIM OUT. “1 hate ter be disobleegin’, young man, but I've always bought my gold-bricks of Bunco Skinem.” “That's all right, Mr. Wayback: I've bought him out.” HIS MISFORTUNE. Lapy—"" It must be a dreadful misfortune to be blind.”” + Beocar—'*It is, mum, When I go home at night I can never tell from my wife's looks whether It's safe to growl about the supper.” ae ._,. WHAT IT LACKED. He—I< But poverty is'no disgrace;’— = +--+ 7 orn Sue—Um-m, no; but there are no medals connected with it, either.”* FELT THE FAMINE. S6THIS," said the philosophical coal-baron, ‘is a cold, cold world.” “Thaven't been coaled yet,” sneers the member of the prole- tariat, who is disposed to argue with the baron, A LITERARY MAN. Mrs. Casey—“1 hear your son Mike has gone into litera- ture.” Mrs. Clancy—"So he has. He's got a job as janitor in a library.” GETTING HIS MONEY'S WORTH. Clerk— Yes, sit; we'll send the coal up to-day.” Mr. Milledollar — An’ say! have it put in with them iron chutes. If I've got to pay your price for coal I want the neighbor- hood to know when I gets the stuff in, Savvy?” comicbooks.com