Judge — January 17, 1903 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

eUBLIGHED WEEKLY AT THE JUDGE BUILDING, 110 VIYTH AVENUR, NEW YORK, Terms to Subscribers. aths, oF 26 numbers teen weeks : MarsTSeas JUDG FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To al foreign countries in th © postal union, $4.00 a year. 0 Marquette Building, Chicage. Evnorran sates-acenTs—/uternational news company, Bream's building, Chancery lane, F.C, London, Lrentane's, avenue de COpera, Paris; Saarbach's neves exchange, Mains, Germany The contents of JUDGE are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. orously prosecuted. addressed envelope wilh all manuscripts, address written plaioly on each and every separate 5 jive letter-press should in every instance be written upon is in upon a separate slip of paper. Inclosure of stamps to the full amo to insure safe and promot relura of material not acceoted 1 picture, and NOT tage is also required, A MITATION is the sincerest flattery--it matters not in what form it manifests itself. And yet it may not be fair to denounce as imitation the practice of tht art of another when the end of the practitioner i to bring about a result that will benetit an individ- ual. The methods of Dr. Lorenz, the eminent Vienna surgeon, are known to and will probably at no dis- tant period be practiced by specialists throughout the land. If Dr. Cleveland of Princeton, New Jersey, had been present at any of the clinics at which Dr. Lorenz presided he would doubtless have gathered a few chunks of knowledge which would be invaluable to him in his heroic but vain imitation of the Vienna artist to restore the general anatomy of the Demo- cratic donkey to the curves and lines which, we ate told, were peculiar to the pristine symmetry of this tempestuous and refractory quadruped. Dr. Cleve- land has a large and difficult job on his hands, and for his own sake we trust that he is doing it ata certain sum per day, and not by contract. The Democratic donkey's hip-joints are all right for kicking purposes, and his feet may be relied upon HOW AN AUTOMOBILE BREAK-DOWN SERVED AS A TEMPERANCE LESSON. to cause anything with which they come in contact to disintegrate and s ter like the drop of water that falls upon a red-hot stove. Possibly the ob- ject of Dr. Cleveland’s manipulations is to limber up the joints of his distin- guished patient and Pegasus, and in a way gain hypnotic control over him, to the end that he may be, so to speak, subverted to the uses of the party of which he is practically the head, as well as the heels. The Democratic donkey may have a weakness for massage; he may feel the thrills of ec- stasy peculiar to the lotos-eater, while his ankles are being kneaded and his knee-pans worked back and forth as if he were not self-kicking. And yet it is not likely that the efforts of Dr. Cleveland will have a lasting effect on him, although it is quite reasonable and consistent to conclude that the Democratic donkey is sufficiently discriminating to appreciate the Prince- ton specialist’s swan’s-down palms, soaked as they are with nard, frank- incense and myrrh for the occasion. We wish him all kinds of luck in his ittempt to bring happiness and joy to the heart of the Democratic donkey, and trust that the great duck-hunter and agricultural orator may make as much of the fleeting coin of the realm out of his highly interesting operation as will be realized by the men who have the great forethought and wisdom to bet their shekels of gold and silver that he will not be the banner-bearer of his party in the year of grace 1904. [UNCLE SAM has abvays enjoyed an enviable reputation for the large- ness and the grandeur of his hospitalit: In short, he is, to put it a host among hosts. He i: ays going about, not seeking whom he may devour, but whom he may fill to repletion and cause to skip the joyful saraband. There are no microbes in Uncle Sam’s hospitality. And this fact is quite well known to each and every beast of the Democratic jungle, as well as the beasts of many other jungles which are now deserted, that the said beasts may toast their shins and singe their skins around the stove of Republican prosperity, that is run with a protective flue, and is now going at full blast, despite the fact that coal is practically worth its weight in gold. The stove is genial and red hot, for the reason that Mr. Roosevelt is operating the scuttle and poker in such a way as to convince these ani- mals that he is the man for this zoo, and also that the poker is as mighty as the sword. We have heard of games that are not worth the candle, and yet are we inclined to fi at this game is one that is well worth the coal, if only as the means of creating a picture that is a sort of political millennium. These animals may not appreciate the underlying principles of Republicanism any more than they do those of the Monroe doctrine, but they know when their frozen fect are thawed out, and when the rheumatism is eliminated from their joints by the process of melting. In other words they know good stove when they see it and feel the glow of its rosy rays It is a warmth that causes smiles of gilt-edged content to ripple over the leathern envelope of the Democratic donkey, who shows as keen an appre- ciation of this thing as does the good old Republican elephant who rocks lazily to and fro and munches the caramel of boundless rapture. The Tammany tiger stretches and purrs close to the lamb of woman-suftrage, and it is. not go- ing too far to say that the lamb has a faith in the Tammany tiger that quite eclipses that enter- ed by the average citizen. The solid-south bear enjoys the stove of Republican prosperity to the, utmost, and quite prefers it to hibernation, while the Cana- dian moose feels happy through 1d through, as do the hyena of anarchism, the simian of anti- imperialism, the prohibitionist duck, and the rattlesnake of free silver. They are all basking in the sunshine of Uncle Sam’s stove, and they constitute about as happy a family as ever w: seen on this festive sphere. The good old Republican stove is now running on full time, and will continue so to do as long as the coal holds out to burn, Perhaps some of the animals may be taught by its hospitality that they would be better off in the fold that it represents than out in the cold that would be theirs if it were, for instance, a free- silver stove. If they learn this valuable lesson they will certain- ly be better off, and the stove will not have been kept going in vain. While the stove holds out to burn even the Democratic don- Faxmen Jaccers (telling about in’ an’ quiverin’ like it wuz ac! better go round by the other road. it after his recovery a month later) n’ fer ter grab suthin® make a me: Thain't had no taste fer licker sinc I seen the darn spider animal right afore me. snort- offin it, I figgered the thing out an’ calc’lated | key may return and thereafter shine as a gazelle of peerless id friskiness. comicbooks.com