Judge — November 29, 1902 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TAX the TRUST and SMOKE Mellowleaf|| Pall Mall SMOKING TOBACCO Sovereign CIGARETTES i | eee The Most Popular Brand Market. on the Pure Virginia—Same as used in the Time of George Washington. UNIVERSAL TOBACCO COMPANY LONDON CIGARETTES The Highest-Class Turkish Cigarette Made. 697 Greenwich Street NEW YORK MR. TELLIT ON HIGHER EDUCA. | TION, 46]T IS positively astonishing," de-| clared Mr. Tellit, who had his nose buried in the paper. “What is?” asked Mrs, Tellit, who was embroidering red. forget- me-nots on a sofa-pillow. “Why, this statement in the paper!" “What? That advertisement} that Ickleheimer & Murphy will sell sixteen yards of baby ribbon for six cents from nine-thirty to ten o'clock to-morrow morning?” “Ugh!” was the only response from Mr. Tellit. “Well, then, is it that announce- iment that Smoothe & Slique are going to have their annual fire sale| next Tuesday?” “No; and it isn't that one about *Wanted—Well-educated lady with light hair and ten thousand dollars to correspond with A. B. C., this of- fice. Object, matrimony,’” snorted Mr. Tellit. ‘Don't you know what is in the papers?” “Why, I’m sure I read the paper all through before you came home| this evening, and I am going down town in the morning to get" “Huh! Do you have an idea| that all the papers are printed for is to let some fool woman know that she can get two cans of sorry tomatoes for eight cents and a bale of cotton batting for three cents and a sway- backed chair for eight dollars and ninety-nine cents?” “Well, of course, there are other) things in them. | “Other things! Sure! One or| two other things, at the least count. | Por_instance, they have the weather “report, so that a certain class of| bargain-hunting humanity may know enough to come in when it rains, with- out having to be lassoed and dragged to shelter." Mr, Tellit glared at the paver) vindictively and heaved a wrathful| sigh. “Dear me!" murmured Mrs. Tell- it, “you need not grow so excited about it. What is ** that moves you so, any way?” “Here ‘it is," said Mr. Tellit, as he jabbed his finger against the paper. “Here it is. It says that the stu- dents at Harvard university are to be permitted to have a kommers whenever they desire.” “A kommers? What is that?|lowest note oftenest within a given side workings of geometry, and who Do they sew it on their gowns?” “Sew it on——-!_ Good heavens, woman! Does your mind never rise above special sales and the sewing machine? A kommers isn't to be worn. It is to be had. It is a—a— dodgast it, it isn't anything! It's just like a lawn fete, only it isn’t one. They have a keg of beer and a few duels, and they sing ‘Im Tiefen Kel- ler’ until the fellow who can hit the time gets the first prize. what a kommers is. stand?" Yes, but I don’t see what "—— That's | built the pyramids, and what causes Do you under-|the tides, and how to handle loga- |rithms without gloves; and they have been coming homie loaded up with “Of course you don't see. You | fool college yells and football hair and can’t see anything unless it has athe choruses of college songs. And marked-down price tag on it, and you| now they are to have kommerses— have my week's wages in your hand. |if that’s the plural. It’s a fine thing, You can't see! Here we are sending | Mrs, Tellit, a fine thing! We might our sons to college to get higher edu- | just as well send our sons to the saloon cation, and to Jearn’‘all about the in-| around the corner and save travel New Malt Beer Made by a new malting process, in a new malt-house, under absolutely perfect conditions. Our malting process requires eight days at an increased cost of 20 per cent over other methods of four and five days. The better the malt the better the beer. expenses and board-bills for them. It's a great idea! Huh!" “But, my- dear,” meekly pro- tested Mrs. Tellit, “I'm not to blame \for it, and besides, we haven't any |sons to send to colle But Mr. Tellit merely sniffed |*Huht” and began reading about the Nicaragua canal. “George bet me a pair of gloves on | the election.” “Which way did you bet?” really don't know. I just know that I get the gloves either way.""—Clewe- land Plain De “So Ambishious has achieved fame, has he?” asked the philosopher. “He has,” replied the cheerful chap. “Brilliant things said by other men are now credited to him."—Cincinnati Com- mercial Tribune well to hope that we may get Our wishes realized, and yet The folks who simply sit and wish Are not the ones who catch the fish. —Philadelphia Record. ¢ husband (during the quarrel)— ys making bargains. Was a time when you didn’t?” “Yes, sir; on my wedding Bits a “Oh, John!” mother as her hu: the front steps, walk!” “Good!” ejaculated the midnight martyr. “Now he can do his own floor- walking at night.""— Chicago News. taimed the proud and came wearily up paby is beginning to Passenger—"I don't see why you fel lows can’t call out the stations plaine: Guard—"My dear sir, we are train guards, not “trained clocutionists."— hicago News. “Have you the same cook you had when I was here in the spring?” “Not by seventeen."”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. “Wouldn't you rather have a lighter cuirass?” suggested the master-of-arms. “No, I always feel better with a man's armor round me,” archly admitted the maid of Orleans.—Yale Record. comicbooks.com