Judge — November 1, 1902 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

como. a THE HAY-HAIRED MAN SUFFERS REMORSE. ‘THE man whose hair is of the color and consistency of hay had shown up at the of- fice in the morning at the usual time, but his appearance was impressively feeble. It was not until lunch-hour that he became communicative. “Do you know,” he asked, “what it is to be bowed down with grief, overwhelmed by re- gret,and stricken with a search- ing species of riotous re- morse?” « Drive on,” said the man with the blue’ mustache sym- pathetically. “Very well; I'll tell you. Yesterday afternoon I received from my wife a mystic missive containing news which was to me of tremendous import. Only once had I to read the words my wife had penned ere I deemed it meet and proper that I should dally o'er the sarge, lovely and luscious cock- tail before repairing to my home. It was my treat unto myself. Idid it right. I im- bibed. I gazed upon the toxic demon, Rum, in all his luring gladsomeness. He appealed to me. I looked at him through plain glass, cut glass and frost- ed glass, They had different kinds in different places. I en- gulfed liquid lullabies ; I toyed with Bacchus ; I bothered with high spheres ; I flirted with the vinous vivacious enslaver; I made goo-goo eyes at things to drink which contained alcohol. I indulged in a replete repletion. Let me state here, however, that I trust that no one who knows me will believe that I went beyond the limit. hesitatingly admit, with that candor at all times becoming a gentleman, Iwas nerved up. I could feel every nerve in my body.. Each nerve He—"That girl is awfully proper at home, but she isn’t when she is away. met her at a summer-resort a while ago and | actually kissed her.”” “She told me she was bitten by a lobster while she was away.” Sue: Iwasa gentleman. But I un- WHO WAS THE LOBSTER? with the blue mustache. “+ Mother has come’ ! “Well, you were primed, weren't you ?” “Twas prepared,” corrected the hay-haired man sadly ; * but—it was my mother who had come, not my wife's.” exp LADD. vanes 1 tingled with dignity ana ex- uded, as it were, the essence of independent citizenship. 1 am a temperate man. I believe in the refuge of spirituous suc- cor only under the most ex- alted circumstances of dire need. I needed. No man in my position could doubt that he needed. The need did not merely cry out; it delivered eloquent orations ; it shrieked with pathos ; it hurled petitions at me with mighty, resistless logic. The uproar of the large damp voice won out. Thus, and thus only, was I encom- passed; I was flooded with courage and dauntless with high-grade spirit. “And when I reached my home—the home of my beloved wife, of my sweet children, growing up into the glory of manhood and womanhood—t may say that nothing was too good for me, and that I could have raised the devil with a whole army if the army so de- sired. The crisis was upon me; I was upon the crisis. With proud and princely tread, with challenging huzzas ready to leap forth from my virile breast, | mounted the steps of my residence and gallantly marched within its portals. My wife confronted my far- flung battle-line, I drew from my bosom the mystic missive she had sent me and flashed it before her transfigured fea- tures. ‘Woman !" I cried "— “Hold on!" said the man “What did the mystic missive say ?" Bronco Bri—" Hu chap plug ‘em like that.”” Proberbly crouched down low an’ shot out o° THE WAY HE UNDERSTOOD IT. Gnuzzty Pere (reading)—"* It says here a chap just shot the rapids of Niagara in a barrel.”” 1. iughole; but them Rappids of Niagara must be a powerful slow family to let a comicbooks.com Nw