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Judge, 1902-10-11 · page 13 of 16

Judge — October 11, 1902 — page 13: what you’re looking at

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Judge — October 11, 1902 — page 13: Judge, 1902-10-11

What you’re looking at

This page contains "Love's Lilting Lullaby," a comedic short story parodying melodramatic romantic fiction popular in the era. The satire targets overwrought Victorian literature through exaggerated dialogue and absurd situations. The plot involves Ethelbert Stone discovering his beloved Geraldine Moss kissing Chollie Bang (a football player). Stone confronts her with deliberately mangled, theatrical speech ("S'dcath!" and garbled declarations about women), satirizing the pretentious language of romantic heroes. The climax—Stone tumbling down steps after a confusing physical altercation—parodies the overwrought violence in cheap fiction. The humor relies on mocking both melodramatic romance conventions and the stilted, affected speech characters adopt when attempting sophistication. The story ridicules readers who enjoyed such sentimental, dramatically overwrought tales. The surrounding page contains medical and commercial advertisements typical of the period.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A delightful surprise, a charm to the palate and cheer and comfort to the inner man is found in the perfection of OOREEEEEEEESELESEEEEEEEEEESEEESSESEESESSSO CESSES ESESSESESESESESE® Sold at all first-class cafés and by jobbers. WM. LANAHAN & SON, Baltimore, Md. Seassssssssssssssesvessess BLANK BOOKS “umoc.cy FINDLER @ WIBEL, 115 Nassau Street, New York. Barbers, Ch jewedealers, aind EASY MONEY ==: = Address Chas, Johnson, P. mail 0.8. 897, Chics f you haven't a regular, healthy movement of the ia every da: ‘or will be. Keep: rela open and be ‘violent physic or st tmootheat, easiest, most perfect w the bowels clear and el a The of keep jan istotke EAT ‘EM LIKE CANDY ote, Palatable, Potent, Taste Good, Do Pep ere uO leton health. Address ‘Sterling Remedy Company, Chicago or New York. KEEP YOUR BLOOD CLEAN The dae Man LOVE'S LILTING LULLABY. $¢G/DEATH!” hissed th tween his set teeth. “S'dcath he repeated with the accent on the s. It was Ethelbert Stone in the act of detecting Chollie Bang, centre push of the N. Y.C. H. R. R. R.-r-r-r-r football team, kissing the fair Ger- aldine Moss, who but that very morn- ing had plighted her troth to another. Needless here to say who that other was. Suffice it that it was not Mr. Bang. i Ethelbert Stune stood behind the protecting branches of a rose- tree in full bloom upon the tessellated terrace of Mossback cottage, while the centre push and the fair but false creature he had so lately called his own occupied a honeysuckle-covered bower at the head of a flight of steps leading to a limpid lake on the level below. Ere the livid lover could recover sufficiently from his astonishment at the perfidy of the only woman he had ever truly loved, Mr. Bang had kissed her again and departed. Then it was Ethelbert presented hitself before her. She smiled as sweetly as if nothing had happened, but Ethel- bert was not to be thus cajoled. Repressing his intense feelings until a later moment, he spoke to her. “Moss Miss,” he said with a herculean effort, ‘‘I mean Miss Moss,” he corrected himself, ‘I have this but moment some seenthing that cairly furdled the vlood in my beins, and has voncinced me that voman is a wiper, and you—you, Moss Miss. I mean Miss Moss, “Sir,” interrupted the lady, who could not but perceive that her lover was beside hiniself with language, “you du not know what"—— At this moinent Chollie Bang unexpectedly returned for a curry- comb that he had inadvertently dropped from his hair in the excite- ment of partin, “Oh, Chollie,” cried the false and fickle Geraldine, “save me; save me from this person," and she formed herself into a flying wedge and lit on his manly chest. “That slob,” ejaculated Mr. Bang, nodding contemptuously tow- ard Mr. Stone. Ethelbert Stone might have es- caped ut this moment, as Geraldine had a confusing tackle on the centre push, but his rage blinded him to the physical discrepancies of a Stone- Bang mix-up, and he remained. That is to say, he remained for a short time only. The centre push fumbled the lady for a minute and dropped her; and the next instant Ethelbert Stone emerged from an earthquake and went rumbling and tumbling and shaking and breaking and hitting and splitting and whacking and cracking and thumping and bumping and rocking and knocking and rapping and slapping and spin- ning and skinning and routing and scooting down the hard, unfeeling steps to the level of the limpid lake below. As he struck the concrete at the bottom with a dull thud, Geraldine looked shyly up into the face of the heroic and herculean centre push, who, with a gurgle of genuine joy, gathered her to his thrubbinzg bosom. “Aha!” he cried triumphantly, as he cast his eagle eye down the steps, “how true. it is that a rolling Stone gathers no Moss.” And Geraldine landed a buss on his smacker. WILLIAM J. LasrTON. The Four-Track News for October is one of the most readable numbers of this popular magazine that has yet been launched. It opens with an article on West Point, which will be enjoyed by all people who have an interest in the army—and who has not? “Down the St. Lawrence and up the Saguenay” is a timely and most interesting article by George H. Daniels, who proves that a man may be a fisherman and still be able to telf the truth in an off-hand way without special effort. This article is superbly illustrated and, aside from any piscatorial instruction it. may con- tain, will be a source of delight to all people who are fond of the finest kind of scenery that is lying around loose. They will also be glad to leam that it is so near to their doorst “ Railroading in Rural Japan” wi as interesting to the American railroader, as a history of the New York Central, with its flyers, its conveniences and its facilities, not to say its felicities, 1s a source of unending joy to the Japanese railroad man, whose ambition is to have a Tokio. limited equal to the Empire State ex- press or the Twentieth Century. Homes of Ohio’s Presidents is an illustrated article that will be widely read and en- joyed. ‘* Moose-hunting in Mooseland” will capture the hunter and hold him to the end. "The Poct of the Merrimac” gives some new side-lights on the sweet singer, John G. Whittier, that will be appreciated by the many admirers of the author of “Ichabod” and ** Maud Muller."" The ‘* World's Progress" is as full of in- formation as Swiss cheese is full of holes, which is but putting it mildly. Then Vest ‘ket Confidences” by the editor that will interest every man that wears avest. Besides, there poems, jokes and other interesting items too numerous to mention. For further par- ticulars apply to George H. Daniels, Grand Central Station, New York City: i He i 14680 Masonic Tern Cogagos DL pronts: ‘SeEfitve Saved the worst case in’ to 38" Book Free CARL H. SCHULTZ, ‘Well-known pure and correct Mineral Waters; Carbonic, Artificial Vichy, Selters, Club Soda, etc.— are also put up in bottles for out-of-town delivery, and can be sent by freight or express to any part of the United States. CARL H. SCHULTZ, ., 142 Madison Square. 430-444 FIRST AVE., NEW YORK PROMOTES HEALTH. ALL WEIGHTS AND SIZES FOR ALL WANTS. Protects against Temperature Changes. ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE FREB showing also our various Jaeger articles. DR. JAEGER S. CO.'S OWN STORES. NEW YORK: 16 W. 234 St.,155-157 B’way BROOKLYN: 504 Fulton S'reet. BOSTON: 230-232 Boylston Street. PHILADELPHIA: 1510 Chestaut Street. CHICAGO: 82 State Street. AGENTS IN ALL PRINCIPAL CITIES, Fudge—"So you've given up smoking? Did it take much will power to do it?"’ Judge—"No; it was ‘won't’ power.” —Baltimore Herald. New Life to Weak Men. OLD MEN MADE YOUNG AGAIN — WEAK ‘MEN FIND OLD-TIME STRENGTH AND POWER OF YOUTH. TRIAL PACKAGE MAILED FREE. men who have tried every known remedy their waning power or lost manhood, and fen up in despair, the following comes aa & most blemed promise. Chief of Staff, State Medical Institute. of reakooss, resulting f thful folly, sture loss eqvery restores all men ho suffer, with any form f tron Building, Pt. 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