Judge, 1902-09-27 · page 7 of 16
Judge — September 27, 1902 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical vignettes typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"The Optimistic Waiter"** mocks a portly waiter who justifies his obesity through poetic philosophy—he claims his good temperament comes from eating the restaurant's fine food. The satire targets working-class pretension and self-deception about gluttony. **"So It Appears"** jokes about divorce, suggesting repeated marriage failures indicate an incompatible personality. **"His First Butler"** plays on the "horseless carriage" (automobile) as a new technology, with a confused butler misunderstanding what "carriage" means. **"A Realist"** satirizes hypocrisy: a hostess claims she's told only three lies, and her husband points out she's just told a fourth by making that claim. The remaining snippets mock lobbying in Washington, legal delays, and people obsessed with displaying their individuality. These are gentle, observational humor pieces targeting social pretension, marital discord, and emerging technologies—typical Judge magazine fare.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE OPTIMISTIC WAITER. [80 xatiding up and down Wa ‘The Brighton beach bazaar, And high above old fortune’s frown Tglide "yeath fortune’s star. For cash I gracefully salaam Before the guest to whom I slide the lobster, crab and clam In all their perfect bloom. T yank the bluefish and the yam, I sce them beefed and bunned, And that is simply why Lam So dimpled and rotund. ‘My temper ‘like the crimson rose That decks my buttonhole. And then a chastely chaste repose Like sunshine floods my soul. In fict, the very truth to speak. © And that is why Iam so stout, I watch my patrons chat, That I'd have wealth untold, And gorge until I roll and reek If L were worth—well, say about In sympathetic fat. One-tenth my weight in gold. SO IT APPEARS. Mrs. Gabbleton— Jack Whoopler has just been divorced for IMPOSSIBLE the third time.” . ‘Tae. storx—"‘Hello! What's that you say, hey? ‘Come closer to the ‘Mrs. Teller—* There seems to be no living with that man.” ‘phone’? Now, how in thunder does he expect me to do that?" A GOOD THING. ‘THERE'S one good thing about the law's delays.” « What?” “They discourage lots of foolish people from going to law.” A GEOMETRICAL INCREASE. Mr. Murphy— Begobs! here's a piece in th’ paper thot a young leddy gits t'ree hundred dollars fer paintin’ wan microbe.” Mr. Finnegan —" Phwy th divil don't she paint a illyphant an’ quit th’ chase fer money ?” TO CATCH THE FIGHTS. First lobbyist (in Washington) — “That man Smoothing is dojng some tall lobbying these days.” Second lobbyist—v What's he WITH OUR GREAT-GREAT- GRANDCHILDREN a P 5 5 . First lobbyist— He's trying to se- wan earn me wouse—" You promised that If I'd give you a concentrated ple-tablet you'd fill the atr-shIP cure the moving-pleture’privitege in the ‘Tine Toumie—"' I'm sorry, lady, but | used all | had persuadin’ you ter give me de tablet.” senate chamber.” Hp) ONE MORE. in HE conversa- at) tion turns on SL] people notorious | for telling false- hoods. In all my life,” cries the hostess, “Thave only told a fib—three times.” “Well, that makes the fourth,” said her husband skeptically, A REALIST. Currie—« Big. head is quite a character, is he not?” Peters —“ Yes. He is one of those fellows that are willing to make fools of themselves HIS FIRST BUTLER. Burizer—"' Sir, the carriage waits without.’ ir indie Mr. Struckrrrict—" Without what, ye blame numbskull 2" to show their indi. Burter—" Without hestes. It's the autsmobile.” viduality.” “HOW HAPPY COULD | BE WITH EITHER™ comicbooks.com